This week I’m breaking down regulation: what it actually is, the difference between self-regulation and co-regulation, and steps you can use the moment your child is overwhelmed. Listen here:
Grab the free companion guide, Regulation 101 by clicking here.
Grab Dr. Matt’s book: Neurodiversity Playbook by clicking here.
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I have a hot take.
In fairness, I didn’t realize it was a hot take until recently, but apparently I was wrong.
Here it is: going to the library and using library resources is awesome!
Growing up, I barely went to the library. I remember stopping in from time to time but it wasn’t a constant thing. I never thought too much about it and that was because I didn’t know enough.
My kids have had their own library cards since they were infants. We would take them to music classes there and of course take out lots of books along the way. Since then our love for the library has grown.
Benefits of the Library:
Each summer, my county offers a library tour and a few years ago we did it! You can pick up a passport book and have it stamped at every library you visit! I wrote about our experience in a previous blog, which you can check out my clicking here. I loved this opportunity as it gave us a chance to visit libraries we may not have thought of visiting otherwise.
I love that my kids still love going to the library and have grown up there. They’ve attended classes, had playdates and taken out more books and movies than I can count. I feel fortunate that we have this amazing space in our neighborhood and so many others throughout the area.
So that’s it, that’s my hot take. Libraries are awesome and I recommend checking out the one in your neighborhood!
Love the library like we do? Leave a comment or follow along on social media, you may catch some of our library hauls!
Where else you can find me:
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I finally put out a new episode of the podcast! It’s been awhile and this one’s more of a stream of consciousness.
For a while now, this space has been a mix of two things: here’s what happened with my kids, and here’s what I learned from it. My kids are getting older, and I want to be more protective about what I’m sharing. I still want to be helpful. I still want to be honest. I just don’t want to keep narrating their lives to do it. Instead of leading with what happened with them, I want to lean more into what I’m learning, from books, from conversations with other parents, from professionals. The podcast has always felt like a place that sat in between their personal stories and what I’ve learned from them. Moving forward, I’m going to lean more into the what I’ve learned portion.
This won’t be perfectly consistent. Some episodes might still include a personal story that feels okay to share. Others will just be reflections, borrowed wisdom, or something I read that reframed my whole week.
Since life got away from me last year when it came to the podcast, I wanted to provide an update of where I’m at. Not much is changing but I wanted to share what I’ve been thinking.
If you’ve ever felt this same pull, wanting to share and wanting to protect at the same time, I’d love to hear how you’ve handled it. That’s kind of the whole point of this space anyway: figuring it out together, in real time.
🎧 Listen to the full episode, “Figuring This Out, Out Loud,” wherever you get your podcasts, or you can click ‘play’ below:
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If your house feels loud, if your kids feel dysregulated, if you feel one small request away from losing it…
This is your reminder: You don’t need a perfect schedule. You need a predictable anchor. Routines aren’t about rigidity. They’re about safety.
For kids (especially anxious, sensory-sensitive, or neurodivergent kids) routines reduce the invisible “what’s next?” stress that drains their nervous system all day long. When the rhythm of the day is predictable, their bodies can finally exhale.
And here’s the part no one talks about:
Routines regulate us too.
When you don’t have to reinvent the day every morning, your brain rests. You stop decision-fatiguing yourself by 9:12 a.m.
So instead of building an Instagram-worthy color-coded schedule, start here:
The 10-Minute Anchor Routine
Pick one transition that’s currently chaotic:
Then create a simple, repeatable 3-step rhythm.
For example (after school):
That’s it. No charts. No bribes. No overhauls. Just predictability.
And when it falls apart (because it will)? You don’t scrap the system. You return to the rhythm.
Consistency beats intensity every time.
Let’s talk about co-regulation.
Before our kids can regulate themselves, they borrow our nervous systems.
When your child is melting down, spiraling, shutting down, yelling, crying, freezing, their brain is in survival mode. The logical, problem-solving part? Offline. Gone. On vacation.
What brings it back?
Not lectures. Not consequences (yet). Not “calm down.”
Connection.
Co-regulation is the process of helping your child return to a regulated state by staying regulated yourself or at least regulated enough.
And yes. That’s the hard part.
Because when your child is dysregulated, it’s dysregulating. Especially if you’re tired. Or overstimulated. Or carrying your own stress.
But here’s what co-regulation can look like in real life:
You are not rewarding bad behavior. You are helping their nervous system feel safe enough to think again.
Once they’re regulated, then you can talk about what happened. Then you can problem-solve. Then you can teach.
Self-regulation grows from co-regulation.
And if no one co-regulated you as a kid? This can feel almost impossible. You might not have had someone model calm in chaos. That doesn’t mean you can’t learn it now.
Start small.
Next time things escalate, instead of asking, “How do I stop this?” try asking:
“How can I lend my calm?”
Sometimes that’s enough to shift everything. We’re not aiming for perfect. We’re aiming for safe. And safe builds skills.
I’ve learned so much since starting on a sensory journey with my son almost 7 years ago. I learned about sensory integration, sensory toys, sensory products, and more! But the biggest ongoing takeaway for me is how I go about parenting and peopleing.
That’s right, I said peopleing! Whether or not I’m using it correctly, it doesn’t matter because I’m sticking with it. In this sense, I’m talking about how I look at, talk to and understand people around me.
I know there are a lot of official terms going around for parenting and I don’t give my parenting style an official title. I just try to be respectful, provide them tools for the world and meet them where they are. For example:
How does that all apply to peopleing and sensory living? I use similar approaches to other people. If another adult acts in what could be seen as negatvie, I wonder what else could be going on with them. Is everyone in their family healthy? Are they struggling with their mental health? Did they just lose their job?
I do expect adults to act like adults, but recognize we’re all still learning. We’re all continuously growing, changing, and working on ourselves. It’s ok to have set backs, it’s ok to make mistakes. We’re all trying our best.
Other adults may not deserve respect and sometimes I find that out the hard way. I try to talk with people, learn about them and connect. Sometimes you click with people and sometimes you don’t. That’s all ok. Be kind, be patient, be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.
Sensory integration has taught me so much about how we all process the world around us and how it can be a silent struggle for so many everyday.
If you’re a parent than you know that playing is one of the most important things children can do. There are so many benefits and it’s so beneficial to your child’s developement.
Once the school year begins and extracurricular activities ramp up, sometimes it’s hard to make time to just play. It’s easy to get caught up in the routine, the chores, going from one activity to the next, working and everything else parents have going on throughout their day.
It’s important to stop and play. Maybe not everyday, but as often as possible. We’re still at an age range where we can do playdates. We have friends we’ve made over the past couple of years that we can call to meet up with at a park, playground, library, bowling, or just hang at one of our houses. The kids are able to be in a comfortable place with some freedom and the ability to interact with each other. They’re able to learn from each other and work on communicating more effectively. The most important thing they’re able to do is have fun in a non-structured environment.
As parents, my husband and I also work to make sure we’re playing as a family. Sometimes we walk up to a nearby school and play Basketball, Box Ball, Wiffle Ball, help them across monkey bars, or just race each other across the field. I won’t tell you who normally wins those races…
Again, I know how much the daily grind can suck you in and you start to rely a little more on school for playing and socialization. However, doing those things outside of school is just as important. I try to be aware of it so that when I feel like it’s been a long week or a busy weekend where we were gogogo, I try to make sure we have that time to stop and play.
Added bonus: it’s just as beneficial to parents!
Want to learn more about the benefits of play? Check out some of these articles:
Why Playing Is So Effecting In Your Kids’ Developement
Two springs ago, my husband and I started going on walks while the kids were at school. We did it just as a way to get out, enjoy the nice weather and didn’t have a goal in mind.
Once the summer and fall came, I missed walking. What I hadn’t realized is that walking had made me feel better, even though I wasn’t feeling bad. So we got back into walking, sporadically, on nicer days.
Last year my 9 year old switched to a school that is in walking distance from our house. We walked him to school everyday and most days took the long way back home. Once this past summer hit, I made it a point to make sure I continued to walk. This time I did it solo.
Once my husband was done working, we would divide and conquer. I would go out, put my earbuds in and just walk. He started doing the same in the mornings before work.
We are still parents, so life can get in the way and these walks can’t happen everyday. However, we have made it a point to set aside this outside walking time for ourselves as often as possible.
Personally, I am walking for mental health and to move my body. I have Hashimotos and exercising is important, with gentle exercise being the preferred method. While walking, I like listening to audiobooks, podcasts and sometimes just music. We had ordered iLuv myBuds Wireless EarBuds awhile back, due to the cost and not knowing how often we would be using them. Now that we’re using them more, they’ve been great and I have no plans on switching any time soon. Just remember to keep the volume at a place where you can still hear your surroundings. If I can walk at the end of the day, I find it better because I don’t have my daily to-do list running through my head like it is in the morning. But I take what I can get!
Finding solo time as a parent is tough and everyone’s situation is different. Whether it’s a few minutes or a few hours, once a week or everyday, I would highly recommend it. Take time to watch a favorite show, favorite movie, go out for a walk, stay in and do a home workout, read a favorite book, journal, meditate or find something else that allows you time to breathe and center yourself.
If you would have told me two years ago that I would be walking on my own a few times a week, I would have said “I don’t have time for that.” Mental health is just as important as overall health and whatever you can do to help yourself be the best version of you, to feel good and get through the day, please do!
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