Holiday Assemblies

I hate attention. I say this as someone who co-hosts two podcasts and does YouTube Lives. Guess you could say I’m a bit of an introvert/extrovert. When I was in school, I never liked public speaking, performing in a play, answering questions just in case I was wrong even when I knew I was right, etc. I was way too nervous. A little shy. Was there more to it than that? The early stages of my own anxiety? Probably.

I mentioned in the previous blog how much ‘J’ loved Kindergarten and that is 100% true. HOWever, once he started practicing for his Holiday Assembly, things started to shift. Especially when he went into the auditorium for rehearsals. The size of the stage, the bright lights, the echo, he was not feeling any of it. He didn’t want to sing the songs he had been singing all month long in and out of school. He didn’t want to be up on stage in front of everyone, he wanted nothing to do with it.

On the day of the performance, it was an extra hard drop off. His teacher was amazing and in the days leading up to it, she told him that he could stay with her until he was comfortable to go up on stage. Since this was December, 2019, we were able to go to the school to watch. There would also be a gingerbread house decorating activity after the performance for families.

The three of us walked into school to sign in for the show. I looked down the hall to ‘J’s” classroom, his teacher made eye contact with us and waived us down. I knew things weren’t good. We walked down to the end of the hallway to his classroom and saw him behind a desk, eating a graham cracker with puffy eyes. His friends were around him, checking in on him and telling him everything would be ok. He looked up to see us and ran right into my arms crying. All four of us went to the auditorium together and took our seats, right in front of the stage, behind his teacher.

His class walked in and took their spots on stage. We asked him if he wanted to go up with them and he said no. His teacher asked if he wanted to sit next to her and he said no. He stayed on my lap the whole time, watching his friends sing the songs he grew to love.

The thing about ‘J’ is, when he gets himself worked up to the point of not participating in something, he never feels like he’s missing out. He feels relieved, happy and content. He was happy to be watching his friends and cheered them on. Afterwards, we were all at one long table, building gingerbread houses together and all his anxiety was lifted. He returned to the happy boy he is, laughing with his friends.

Our heart breaks watching him struggle with new situations. His anxiety spikes, he wants to run away, he cries. As parents, we want the best for him and for him to be able to branch out and try new things. At the same time, he knows what he likes and what makes him comfortable. Sometimes he does need that nudge, like going into school. But other times, if something is overwhelming him to the point of tears, is it worth the push? We’ve seen the outcome of that and it’s typically not good.

Seeing your child on stage for the first time may be something you’ve thought about with excitement. And it may turn out exactly how you imagined. But there is that chance that it just may not go according to plan.

In Part 3, I’ll chat about taking the Bus.