Tag: Anxiety

Walking, Listening and Breathing

On By justmymomsenseIn Parent Life, writing challenge7 Comments

Two springs ago, my husband and I started going on walks while the kids were at school. We did it just as a way to get out, enjoy the nice weather and didn’t have a goal in mind.

Once the summer and fall came, I missed walking. What I hadn’t realized is that walking had made me feel better, even though I wasn’t feeling bad. So we got back into walking, sporadically, on nicer days.

Last year my 9 year old switched to a school that is in walking distance from our house. We walked him to school everyday and most days took the long way back home. Once this past summer hit, I made it a point to make sure I continued to walk. This time I did it solo.

Once my husband was done working, we would divide and conquer. I would go out, put my earbuds in and just walk. He started doing the same in the mornings before work.

We are still parents, so life can get in the way and these walks can’t happen everyday. However, we have made it a point to set aside this outside walking time for ourselves as often as possible.

Personally, I am walking for mental health and to move my body. I have Hashimotos and exercising is important, with gentle exercise being the preferred method. While walking, I like listening to audiobooks, podcasts and sometimes just music. We had ordered iLuv myBuds Wireless EarBuds awhile back, due to the cost and not knowing how often we would be using them. Now that we’re using them more, they’ve been great and I have no plans on switching any time soon. Just remember to keep the volume at a place where you can still hear your surroundings. If I can walk at the end of the day, I find it better because I don’t have my daily to-do list running through my head like it is in the morning. But I take what I can get!

Finding solo time as a parent is tough and everyone’s situation is different. Whether it’s a few minutes or a few hours, once a week or everyday, I would highly recommend it. Take time to watch a favorite show, favorite movie, go out for a walk, stay in and do a home workout, read a favorite book, journal, meditate or find something else that allows you time to breathe and center yourself.

If you would have told me two years ago that I would be walking on my own a few times a week, I would have said “I don’t have time for that.” Mental health is just as important as overall health and whatever you can do to help yourself be the best version of you, to feel good and get through the day, please do!

Just My MomSense is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program

Poppy and the Overactive Amygdala

On By justmymomsenseIn Anxiety, Mental Health, Sensory ResourcesLeave a comment

I recently purchased Poppy and the Overactive Amygdala to have as a source of reference for my kids.

However, for today, I want to chat about reading it on your own, as a parent.

Description from the back of the book:

Many kids suffer from an overactive “Fight or Flight” response, which can affect them in all areas of their lives. Follow Poppy as she explains some of her struggles with anxiety, anger, and friendships as a kid with an overactive amygdala. This book was created to help build understanding and empathy for children with a wide range of mental health challenges. This type of behavior can be seen in many children, including but not limited to those kids with DMDD, ADHD, ODD, Anxiety, Bipolar disorder, PANS/PANDAS, RAD, Autism disorders, PTSD, IED, and Conduct disorder, among others. While many of the children struggle with comprehension of their disorder, they all have one important factor in common. They did not choose this. As adults, we have a responsibility to build understanding, encourage empathy, and continue to grow our own set of skills and knowledge in order to best serve our most vulnerable population: Children.

Both of my kids have anxiety and one has confirmed sensory processing difficulties. Here is what I already know: going through everyday activities that we all take for granted, can be really tough for someone with sensory processing difficulties and anxiety. Here is what I need to be reminded of: going through everyday activities that we all take for granted, can be really tough for someone with sensory processing difficulties and anxiety. I try my best to continue to educate myself, to listen to podcasts, read books or social media and watch videos, all in an effort to make sure I’m doing everything I possibly can to make things just a little easier. But, I am also human. I have good days and bad. I’m always juggling all the things in life. And sometimes, I start to take the day to day for granted and slip back into needing a reminder.

This book is a good reminder. A reminder of the emotional storm that can happen quickly and easily inside a child. It talks about the ups and downs, the negative thoughts they experience and what adults can do to help them through it.

If you’re like me and aren’t always perfect, I recommend you read through Poppy and the Overactive Amygdala, on your own, thinking of your child going through the things that are described. It may be just the reminder you need to get yourself back into the routine.

I have links to this book and a few others on my “A Few of My Favorite Things” page which you can access by clicking here.

Just My MomSense is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program

The After School Eruption

On By justmymomsenseIn school4 Comments

I remember reading awhile back that children often keep a cap on their emotions during a school day and by the time they get home, the cap pops off. They know they’re in a safe and caring environment. They’re in a familiar place. They can now just be themselves.

My son is now 9, my daughter is 6 and the cap comes off each day. Some days it’s for a few minutes and some days (I’m looking at you Wednesdays) it lasts until bedtime. Being at school is a lot of work. When you’re experiencing different anxieties or having trouble grounding your senses, it can be completely overwhelming.

In school, kids have to:

  • Sit in one spot for a good chunk of the day
  • Interact with different kids and adults
  • Be able to handle distractions going on around them, whether that’s another child calling out in the class or something happening outside
  • Visit the cafeteria with different smells, an increase in volume from everyone talking, different lighting, etc

The list goes on. Now let’s throw in things like a child who is starting to get sick, maybe they have something going on at home, maybe they’re in the midst of a move or maybe they’re having a hard time making friends.

Now your child walks through the door at the end of the day carrying a suitcase full of mental, emotional and social experiences. It’s no wonder it pops open!

Consider this blog another reminder that kids are just small people trying to figure out life. Not so different from adults. Being a kid is hard and giving them the tools to help process all the ups and downs will help them as they get older and all of that stuff they’re carrying grows too.

The after school eruption can be tough, remember to regulate your own emotions from your day in order to help them regulate their day.

(Sometimes easier said than done but we’re all out here trying our best)

Click here to check out some of my favorite books and products that can help with the after school eruption.

Why Is Christmas So Overwhelming?

On By justmymomsenseIn Uncategorized1 Comment

For the past few (or more) years, we have always known the Holidays are pretty overwhelming for ‘J.’ Typically the month leading up to Christmas (and his Birthday) prove to be a challenge. In years past, that has been expressed through tears, extreme frustration, attitude, being on edge, acting out of character, etc.

In November, we attended a lunch for my dad’s work. We were at our family’s favorite restaurant, which was a familiar place for ‘J.’ We sat at a table with my parents, my brother, sister-in-law and niece. Immediately, ‘J’ wanted out of the situation. There were moments he seemed settled and then once he was done eating, he just kept asking if we could leave.

Through some tears on the way home, we focused more on having a calm drive. When we got home, I sat with him 1:1 to talk through what he was feeling at the restaurant. The first thing he said was “Why is Christmas so overwhelming?”

It may sound weird, but I felt a bit of relief in that. And not that I want him to feel bad or be sad, but the fact that he was able to communicate that was HUGE to me. We talked through what felt like a lot to him, how it was different than other times we were in the restaurant and everything that happens in the month of December. I told him how great it was that he was able to communicate how he felt and that it’s important that he feels comfortable. I asked what we could do to make the holidays easier and what changes we could make. In the end, he was feeling better and ended the day on a high note.

Holidays are typically stressful for everyone. There are highs and lows, parties, gifts, seeing more family, etc. I think as adults, sometimes you feel like-eh, kids can get through it, they get gifts, what could be bad?

However for them, as they’re still figuring out the world, there’s a lot happening. Add in sensory difficulties and anxiety and the normal day to day struggle that ‘J’ goes through is now heightened. As adults, if we’re uncomfortable, we can remove ourselves from a situation, ask for help or change plans. That’s way tougher when you’re a kid.

This Holiday season, remember to listen to your child (or those around you). If they’re acting different, crying more, getting frustrated more easily, remember that there is always an underlying reason. They’re not trying to be bad or ruin the holidays. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, they are people with feelings and opinions that should be respected just like anyone else.

If you’re the parent of a child with anxiety and sensory processing difficulties, take things one day, one hour, one minute, at a time. Remember to remain calm and keep yourself regulated (easier said than done, especially in this season) in order to be a safe place for your child. The Holidays may not look like you imagined, but that’s ok. Make the magic however you can in a way your child would appreciate.

Wishing you all a magical Holiday Season!

A Karate Win

On By justmymomsenseIn Uncategorized1 Comment

Yesterday was big! ‘J’ knows it and we know it.

If you’ve read this blog before, you know that ‘J’ has had struggles going into school and going to swim lessons. He got through them both, but it was difficult. Before the pandemic, we had attempted a Ninja Warrior class at the same place we used to take mommy and me classes. I thought he would love it. He loves to run, jump and create obstacle courses, this would be perfect!

It wasn’t.

Although I would be able to watch him during the class, a counter separated us which was too much of a separation for ‘J.’ There are things that we have to force him to do that aren’t easy for him: school, going to the doctor, etc. This wasn’t something he HAD to do, so we didn’t go back.

With some time having passed, we decided to try again this past spring. This time, his sister was also old enough for the class and I thought having each other would help.

It didn’t.

His sister however loved it and we signed her up for Ninja Warrior class, as well as Gymnastics. He came with us to watch her a few times and never felt like he was missing out. A feeling I never want him to have. He was ok with his decision which made us ok with it too. In the meantime, we found a LEGO challenge class online and most recently a virtual drawing class. He was comfortable with this set up, especially after a year of virtual school.

Their two best friends recently decided to try classes at the same location. I mentioned it to ‘J’ and asked if would want to try again, he said no and was still ok not being there. Then his sister, and two friends tried the Karate class. This was something we had offered to him before and something we knew he would like. He came with me as we watched the trial class. As he sat there, he kept saying “I wish I could do that too.” I said “You can! I’m sure they’d even let you try this class if you wanted to.” He said he wouldn’t be able to because he would cry. This was the first class where he felt like he was missing out on something. We talked about it as the week went on. I suggested we email the teachers to see if we could arrive a few minutes early, he can get comfortable there and try it out. Each day he went back and forth about it. In the meantime, I had emailed the teachers who have known both kids since they were babies (due to those mommy and me classes) and they said he could absolutely try it out.

‘J’ has gotten all in on Pokemon cards. There’s one in particular he wants and we decided to put it out there as motivation (a bribe?). If he got through 3 Karate classes, he could get the card. He still continued to debate whether or not he wanted to try.

This brings us to yesterday, the day of the class. We didn’t talk about it too much but it was known that today was the day. The kids played outside in the sprinkler, we had lunch, they showered up and we left early to go to class.

The fact that he didn’t get too nervous prior to getting in the car – a win!

We pulled into the parking lot and he said his belly hurt. I told him to take a deep breath and we were just going to do things one step at a time. We walked in, hung out a bit and the teachers said how excited they were that he was going to try the class. He sipped on his water and went in to play on the equipment for a bit. All classes start this way. Although he had made it as far as open play before, I still considered this a win.

I was a bit nervous knowing that his biggest hurdle would be when they officially started class and went over to the red circle for warm ups. The music turned off and the teachers said “ok come on over everybody!” And off he went.

This. was. huge. He was in the circle, warming up, sharing stories. My eyes were welled up. If he did nothing else today, I was so proud of him for getting this far.

He got through the entire class, no tears, no running away, never saying he couldn’t do it. He followed the instructor’s moves, went through the mini workouts and had fun doing it. His first trip out to me for a sip of water he pulled down his mask and said “Am I doing good?” I told him he was doing awesome and his eyes started to well-I told him to take a deep breath, he had this and he ran back in. At the end class, he asked for a uniform and his white belt.

When we got home, I talked to him one on one and asked if he was proud of himself. He said he was and that he had fun. I told him I was too.

This was the first time that we walked into a building and he never had hesitation from that point on. There were no tears, there was no struggle and in the end he was proud of himself.

Was it knowing his sister and best friends were in the class? Was it because this was a class he really wanted to do? Was it the bribe of a Pokemon card? Maybe it was coming off a Disney trip where he went on three big rides and had more confidence? I think a combination of all of the above.

I’m holding back tears writing this because of how monumental it is. I know other parents who have kids with daily struggles understand it. Small wins are wins. Big wins are mind blowing.

Oh, and he’s going back for gymnastics today!

Disney’s Disability Access Service Card

On By justmymomsenseIn Travel1 Comment

Back in 2018, I wrote about visiting Disney World with Sensory Processing difficulties. If you’d like to check out that blog, click here.

We just recently returned from a trip to Walt Disney World. As mentioned in that June 2018 blog, I knew that the Disability Access Service Card existed. For this trip, we decided we would play out how ‘J’ would do in the parks, knowing that this was an option.

Looking back, I’m wishing we did it from Day 1.

The first two days of our trip, we tried to wait on lines that were not too long, take our time moving around the park and getting in breaks during the afternoon. However, even on lines that we didn’t feel were too long (15-20 minutes), ‘J’ felt otherwise. He was extremely overwhelmed waiting on line, in a crowd and felt it would take much longer than we were telling him.

If you’re a parent with a child that does not have sensory processing difficulties, you may be thinking: ‘ok but no kid wants to wait on a line in Orlando summer heat.’ And you’re right! And I don’t like it either. But for ‘J’ it’s different and his reactions to it are different. Just like any other day to day activities that may appear easy for us, they’re not always easy for him. This goes under that same umbrella.

So what is the Disability Access Service (DAS) Card? According to the Disney Parks Blog:

The DAS Card is designed to accommodate guests who aren’t able to wait in a conventional queue environment due to a disability (including non-apparent disabilities). DAS will be issued at Guest Relations main entrance locations and will offer guests a return time for attractions based on the current wait time. As soon as the Guest finishes one attraction, they can receive a return time for another. This service can be used in addition to Disney’s FASTPASS Service and Disney FastPass+ service.

On the third day of our trip, we headed to Hollywood Studios and went straight to Guest Relations. I explained that ‘J’ had sensory processing disorder and found the lines to be…and then the Cast Member finished my sentence with: overwhelming? She took us over to the side and set us up with a DAS from her handheld device. We were told that we would need to go to a specific attraction to get a return time and that the pass would be good for the entire trip. We wouldn’t need to go to guest relations each day to have it set up again.

This pass was a game changer! I could see a weight lifted off of ‘J’ as we went to different rides. He was calmer, less stressed and more excited. Isn’t that how it should be at Disney?

I’m so thankful to Disney for accommodating all of their guests and for their amazing service helping us to obtain our DAS.

If you’d like to learn more, visit the Disney Parks Blog or reach out to Disney Guest Relations!

School May Not Look Like You Imagined: Part 3

On By justmymomsenseIn school1 Comment

Taking the School Bus

Back in my day, there were walkers and bussers. Walkers were the kids who lived too close to the school and didn’t qualify for bus services. Bussers, well that one is obvious. I was a walker.

When registering ‘J’ for school, we had to sign forms for him to take the bus and were told we would receive a bus pass prior to school starting. I asked if I was able to drive him myself or if he was required to take the bus. The woman was taken aback by the question and said of course I could take him but that every child had the ability to take the bus.

I knew ‘J’ would never go for it.

We did try though. We talked to him about it and asked if he wanted to try. It was a big no. At the time, his sister was 2 and stated “I’m gonna take the bus when I go to school!”

We figured we would start the school year with me bringing him, and maybe once he saw friends taking the bus, he would want to as well. One day he finally agreed to take it home from school. This was huge!

I received a message from his teacher saying that he started to cry once he realized it was time to line up and walk out to the bus. She let me know his friends consoled him and all chanted his name. This made my heart melt. Once they got outside, the Principal and Vice Principal were also cheering him on. He went onto the bus in tears.

My biggest fear was that he’d try to run. When faced with fight or flight, he typically choose flight. We had prepped him leading up to it; we would meet him at the bus stop and he should not to get off the bus until he saw us. But we were still a bit nervous.

My husband, J’s sister and I all went to the corner to wait for him. We were talking to a neighbor when we heard honking, we look over and the bus had pulled up right in front of the house. We ran over and he walked off the bus in a pile of tears and sniffles. He did it! He rode the bus! Something he was so nervous about but he made it through.

He made it clear he never wanted to do it again.

The only other time he has taken the bus since that day was for his only field trip. They went to see a stage show of Frosty the Snowman. He sat next to his teacher and did great. I think being with his whole class, having the comfort of his teacher there and knowing I was picking him up once he returned to school helped to make that bus ride a whole lot easier.

Truth be told, having never taken a school bus myself (except for field trips), I was totally fine with the idea of picking him up and dropping him off. I just want him to always know the option is there for more independence. If he changes his mind one day and wants to ride the bus with his friends, we will support it. If not, that’s ok too.

In the final part of this series, I will discuss our experience with school closing due to Covid.

School May Not Look Like You Imagined: Part 2

On By justmymomsenseIn school1 Comment

Holiday Assemblies

I hate attention. I say this as someone who co-hosts two podcasts and does YouTube Lives. Guess you could say I’m a bit of an introvert/extrovert. When I was in school, I never liked public speaking, performing in a play, answering questions just in case I was wrong even when I knew I was right, etc. I was way too nervous. A little shy. Was there more to it than that? The early stages of my own anxiety? Probably.

I mentioned in the previous blog how much ‘J’ loved Kindergarten and that is 100% true. HOWever, once he started practicing for his Holiday Assembly, things started to shift. Especially when he went into the auditorium for rehearsals. The size of the stage, the bright lights, the echo, he was not feeling any of it. He didn’t want to sing the songs he had been singing all month long in and out of school. He didn’t want to be up on stage in front of everyone, he wanted nothing to do with it.

On the day of the performance, it was an extra hard drop off. His teacher was amazing and in the days leading up to it, she told him that he could stay with her until he was comfortable to go up on stage. Since this was December, 2019, we were able to go to the school to watch. There would also be a gingerbread house decorating activity after the performance for families.

The three of us walked into school to sign in for the show. I looked down the hall to ‘J’s” classroom, his teacher made eye contact with us and waived us down. I knew things weren’t good. We walked down to the end of the hallway to his classroom and saw him behind a desk, eating a graham cracker with puffy eyes. His friends were around him, checking in on him and telling him everything would be ok. He looked up to see us and ran right into my arms crying. All four of us went to the auditorium together and took our seats, right in front of the stage, behind his teacher.

His class walked in and took their spots on stage. We asked him if he wanted to go up with them and he said no. His teacher asked if he wanted to sit next to her and he said no. He stayed on my lap the whole time, watching his friends sing the songs he grew to love.

The thing about ‘J’ is, when he gets himself worked up to the point of not participating in something, he never feels like he’s missing out. He feels relieved, happy and content. He was happy to be watching his friends and cheered them on. Afterwards, we were all at one long table, building gingerbread houses together and all his anxiety was lifted. He returned to the happy boy he is, laughing with his friends.

Our heart breaks watching him struggle with new situations. His anxiety spikes, he wants to run away, he cries. As parents, we want the best for him and for him to be able to branch out and try new things. At the same time, he knows what he likes and what makes him comfortable. Sometimes he does need that nudge, like going into school. But other times, if something is overwhelming him to the point of tears, is it worth the push? We’ve seen the outcome of that and it’s typically not good.

Seeing your child on stage for the first time may be something you’ve thought about with excitement. And it may turn out exactly how you imagined. But there is that chance that it just may not go according to plan.

In Part 3, I’ll chat about taking the Bus.

School May Not Look Like You Imagined: Part 1

On By justmymomsenseIn school1 Comment

The First Day of School

During my blog hiatus, I thought about a lot of different posts I wanted to do and this was one of them.

‘J’ is coming up on finishing 1st grade.

<Excuse me while I go cry.>

When starting Kindergarten last year, ‘J’ was so nervous. While most kids were posing in front of the big “First Day of School” signs in front of the school, I was focused on just getting him out of the car and through the front doors. I asked if I could take a picture of him, but I already knew the answer – no. In the world of social media, I knew all these parents would have pictures of their kids with the signs, posting them everywhere, and showing off those “perfect” moments.

Did the fact that I wouldn’t be a part of that bother me? No. Because it doesn’t matter! Social Media is not real life. It shows real moments in the midst of life but at the end of the day it’s not what matters. I say this as someone that incorporates social media into her daily life, so I’m not judging others that do the same!

The thing that mattered most to me was making sure ‘J’ was ok and had the best 1st day possible. We arranged a walk through of the school the week prior. He got to meet his Vice Principal, see his classroom, check out the cafeteria, specials classrooms and got a feel of the school. We made a social story for him that we read in the days leading up to school. Anything that was going to help with this transition, we were all about. The Vice Principal and I had a chat about how he may need some help on the first day.

And he did. He was so nervous, even after seeing a friend. As soon as the doors open, he was crying and clinging to me. I made eye contact with the Vice Principal, she came right over, pulled him off of me and walked him into school. I turned around, held my breath and cried in my car.

The tears were a mix of things:

Relief – I did it! He’s at school, he’s going to love it, I just had to get him there. (Just as a note: my husband read him his social story and pep talked him along the way. But we decided for drop off, it would be best for just a 1:1 instead of all four of us.)

Mom Guilt – Oh my God, I just left my baby boy in a new school with strangers! Knowing this was silly and I’d laugh about it later, in the moment, it was hard letting go.

Nervous – Knowing he would be fine, but hoping I wasn’t going to get a call during the day that the tears hadn’t stopped.

As the year went on, some drop offs were better than others but none were perfect. He never walked into school excited. BUT he absolutely loved everything about school. His teacher, friends he made, what he was learning, his specials, all of it. He was so happy during the hours of 8:10 and 2:15. From 8:09-8:10, not so much.

If your child has sensory processing difficulties and anxiety or maybe they’re shy and want to approach school experiences differently, my best advice would be to follow their lead. Go with the flow. Don’t feel the pressure of other parents, your own family, social media or what someone may see as “normal.” If you get that perfect picture in front of their new school, great! If you got one at home (like we did), fantastic! If you get none, oh well! As long as they were happy, you got through the first day as a parent and they got through the first day as a kid, that’s all that matters.

In Part 2 I’ll chat about Holiday Assemblies.

When is it Empathy and When is it Sensory?

On By justmymomsenseIn Uncategorized5 Comments

This is a question I asked our speech therapist in the Spring of 2017. My daughter was a few months old at the time and if we were in the car when she started to cry, my son, ‘J’ would cry and tell me to help her. When he first did this, I thought it was endearing and a little heartbreaking as well. Although I don’t doubt that those things actually exist, I started to realize it might be more than that. I questioned it more when we were with my niece and if she would cry, ‘J’ would request to “go home” or “go to his room” so he could calm down. I questioned it when we were out to eat with his friend after a playdate and his friend cried because he wanted a toy car. ‘J’ once again would start to cry and ask to leave. One night while laying with him as he fell asleep, I started googling (always an interesting activity) and realized this might be more than just empathy.

As time went on, I noticed how often he seemed overwhelmed in various situations. I also gave it some time to see if it was a phase he had to grow out of. It wasn’t.

He was Woody from Toy Story for Halloween and the back of the costume had velcro. This was the first time he ever seemed bothered by clothing. From then on, he asks for tags to be cut out of his clothes. We visited a drive -thru Christmas light experience, which we thought he would love! As soon as we arrived, he took one look at the large guitar playing lit up snowman and lost it. It was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. I felt like I was watching him experience a real life nightmare.

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I started reading more into Sensory Processing and my gut said to seek out an evaluation. With the upcoming holidays and a Disney trip on the horizon, I wanted to make this happen sooner rather than later. Luckily I was able to get the evaluation done before the New Year and before our trip. I started to make notes for the evaluator regarding my concerns and when I was done I had over two pages. I was surprised, but once I thought back to things in the past I had brushed off and the recent months of new experiences we had, there were more than a few red flags.

This week we were approved for Occupational Therapy (OT) twice a week. I’m so happy and can’t wait to start! Seeing how much he’s grown and progressed with speech, I knowbeing in OT and doing exercises at home will help him better process his surroundings.

In recent weeks I’ve done even more research, joined Facebook SPD Parent groups and just started reading ‘The Out of Sync Child’ that I ordered on Amazon. Knowledge is power, right?

Click here to check out a video posted on YouTube explaining Sensory Processing Disorder. The video was posted by MichaelGrass House.