I’ve learned so much since starting on a sensory journey with my son almost 7 years ago. I learned about sensory integration, sensory toys, sensory products, and more! But the biggest ongoing takeaway for me is how I go about parenting and peopleing.

That’s right, I said peopleing! Whether or not I’m using it correctly, it doesn’t matter because I’m sticking with it. In this sense, I’m talking about how I look at, talk to and understand people around me.

I know there are a lot of official terms going around for parenting and I don’t give my parenting style an official title. I just try to be respectful, provide them tools for the world and meet them where they are. For example:

• When I see one of my kids (or even another child) react in a way that could be seen as negative (ie: a meltdown, yelling, having an attitude, etc.) I immediately think, I wonder what is actually going on with them. Did something happen at school that affected them that day? Are they nervous about something? Are they feeling pressure or anxiety from a situation? Are they feeling ok? In my 9 years as a parent, how a child is acting is never what it is at the surface. It’s always more. Although it may take time, getting them to understand their emotions and how important it is to talk about them is one of the most important tools I can try to give them.
• I don’t expect my kids to act like adults. In my observations, I feel like a lot of adults expect so much of kids. Yet, when an adult is overreacting or have a negative emotion, what is the typical response? “Why are you acting like a 5 (2, 10, whatever) year old?” But these same adults may see a child experience a big emotion in public and think “they should know better by now.” No they shouldn’t. They’re learning. All day. Every day. They are going to make mistakes. They’re not going to know how to process everything all the time. Most adults don’t know how to do this either. As parents, it’s our job to guide them, teach them and talk to them. It’s ok to make a mistake, it’s ok to not know everything all the time, it’s ok to feel big emotions. The key is to continue to guide them as to how and where to express those emotions. Do they need to go outside for some air? Do they want to go to a quieter space to talk? This is similar to what I spoke about in a previous blog, ‘Sensory Overload.’ It’s important to recognize why we’re feeling the way we are and how to regulate ourselves. Kids need guidance on that.
• I believe kids are people (cause they are). It’s strange to me when adults act like they’re not. In 2024 there are still those that feel children should be seen and not heard. Or that they should automatically respect every adult they encounter regardless of how they’re being treated. Or that they should put on a show and entertain adults. Kids aren’t there for anyone’s entertainment. If you’re looking to connect with a child, then get on their level. Ask them questions about things they like, what they’re doing at school, friends, etc.

How does that all apply to peopleing and sensory living? I use similar approaches to other people. If another adult acts in what could be seen as negatvie, I wonder what else could be going on with them. Is everyone in their family healthy? Are they struggling with their mental health? Did they just lose their job?

I do expect adults to act like adults, but recognize we’re all still learning. We’re all continuously growing, changing, and working on ourselves. It’s ok to have set backs, it’s ok to make mistakes. We’re all trying our best.

Other adults may not deserve respect and sometimes I find that out the hard way. I try to talk with people, learn about them and connect. Sometimes you click with people and sometimes you don’t. That’s all ok. Be kind, be patient, be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

Sensory integration has taught me so much about how we all process the world around us and how it can be a silent struggle for so many everyday.