Tag: Parenthood

The After School Eruption

On By justmymomsenseIn school4 Comments

I remember reading awhile back that children often keep a cap on their emotions during a school day and by the time they get home, the cap pops off. They know they’re in a safe and caring environment. They’re in a familiar place. They can now just be themselves.

My son is now 9, my daughter is 6 and the cap comes off each day. Some days it’s for a few minutes and some days (I’m looking at you Wednesdays) it lasts until bedtime. Being at school is a lot of work. When you’re experiencing different anxieties or having trouble grounding your senses, it can be completely overwhelming.

In school, kids have to:

  • Sit in one spot for a good chunk of the day
  • Interact with different kids and adults
  • Be able to handle distractions going on around them, whether that’s another child calling out in the class or something happening outside
  • Visit the cafeteria with different smells, an increase in volume from everyone talking, different lighting, etc

The list goes on. Now let’s throw in things like a child who is starting to get sick, maybe they have something going on at home, maybe they’re in the midst of a move or maybe they’re having a hard time making friends.

Now your child walks through the door at the end of the day carrying a suitcase full of mental, emotional and social experiences. It’s no wonder it pops open!

Consider this blog another reminder that kids are just small people trying to figure out life. Not so different from adults. Being a kid is hard and giving them the tools to help process all the ups and downs will help them as they get older and all of that stuff they’re carrying grows too.

The after school eruption can be tough, remember to regulate your own emotions from your day in order to help them regulate their day.

(Sometimes easier said than done but we’re all out here trying our best)

Click here to check out some of my favorite books and products that can help with the after school eruption.

I Love The Love For Reading

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If you follow my @justmymomsense Instagram, then you have definitely seen some our library hauls.

Each of my kids got their first library card at around 6 months old. Our library is so awesome. They offer classes from the baby stage all the way up to classes for adults. Their children’s book section is extensive and it also fills the void that Blockbuster left by giving us the ability to take out DVDs and video games.

I love the love for reading that my kids have. They’re excited to pick out books and look forward to having new ones in the mix.

We’ve spent time making reading forts.

We’ve taken things outdoors in order to read on the trampoline.

Reading before bed is always fun since my husband is good at providing some of the character voices.

Along with gym, music and art, my kids also go to their school libraries once a week. They learn about new authors and are able to bring a book home from that library as well.

I am grateful for the library and schools we have. I know what a privilege it is for my children to be able to have access to so many wonderful authors, stories and opportunities.

If have a library card, you may be able to access apps in order to take out books virtually and have them sent to your Kindle or iPad. Apps like Libby are also available to read books on different devices. (This isn’t an ad, just something we’ve used)

Growing up I liked book stores and I remember having favorite authors, but I wasn’t always able to get lost in stories. I remember setting up a reading nook in my room to help give me that nudge I was needing, which probably only worked for a short amount of time. I think it’s awesome that my 8 year old loves reading new books, writing fan fiction and draws his own illustrations. My 6 year old is in Kindergarten and has come so far with reading in the last few months, it’s been amazing to watch her growth.

And now for my unsolicited advice: if you have access to a library, please get yourself and your child a library card and read with them. One of the coolest things you’ll experience is sharing a story together. That may look like you reading to them, them reading to you or just looking through pictures. However it’s done, enjoy those moments!

I’ve included some of our favorite children’s book authors over on my “These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things” page which you can check out by clicking here.

Why Is Christmas So Overwhelming?

On By justmymomsenseIn Uncategorized1 Comment

For the past few (or more) years, we have always known the Holidays are pretty overwhelming for ‘J.’ Typically the month leading up to Christmas (and his Birthday) prove to be a challenge. In years past, that has been expressed through tears, extreme frustration, attitude, being on edge, acting out of character, etc.

In November, we attended a lunch for my dad’s work. We were at our family’s favorite restaurant, which was a familiar place for ‘J.’ We sat at a table with my parents, my brother, sister-in-law and niece. Immediately, ‘J’ wanted out of the situation. There were moments he seemed settled and then once he was done eating, he just kept asking if we could leave.

Through some tears on the way home, we focused more on having a calm drive. When we got home, I sat with him 1:1 to talk through what he was feeling at the restaurant. The first thing he said was “Why is Christmas so overwhelming?”

It may sound weird, but I felt a bit of relief in that. And not that I want him to feel bad or be sad, but the fact that he was able to communicate that was HUGE to me. We talked through what felt like a lot to him, how it was different than other times we were in the restaurant and everything that happens in the month of December. I told him how great it was that he was able to communicate how he felt and that it’s important that he feels comfortable. I asked what we could do to make the holidays easier and what changes we could make. In the end, he was feeling better and ended the day on a high note.

Holidays are typically stressful for everyone. There are highs and lows, parties, gifts, seeing more family, etc. I think as adults, sometimes you feel like-eh, kids can get through it, they get gifts, what could be bad?

However for them, as they’re still figuring out the world, there’s a lot happening. Add in sensory difficulties and anxiety and the normal day to day struggle that ‘J’ goes through is now heightened. As adults, if we’re uncomfortable, we can remove ourselves from a situation, ask for help or change plans. That’s way tougher when you’re a kid.

This Holiday season, remember to listen to your child (or those around you). If they’re acting different, crying more, getting frustrated more easily, remember that there is always an underlying reason. They’re not trying to be bad or ruin the holidays. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, they are people with feelings and opinions that should be respected just like anyone else.

If you’re the parent of a child with anxiety and sensory processing difficulties, take things one day, one hour, one minute, at a time. Remember to remain calm and keep yourself regulated (easier said than done, especially in this season) in order to be a safe place for your child. The Holidays may not look like you imagined, but that’s ok. Make the magic however you can in a way your child would appreciate.

Wishing you all a magical Holiday Season!

Jump Around!

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What is the Vestibular Sense?

The vestibular system contributes to balance and orientation in space. It is the leading system informing us about movement and position of head relative to gravity. – SensoryHealth.org

There are times ‘J’ will jump on his bed at the end of the day. My immediate go-to is to stop him and explain how it’s time to get ready to sleep, not to play. But what he’s doing is bigger than playing. He’s giving his body what he needs in order to get to a more restful state. Yes, I know this seems like a contradiction, but trust me, it’s true.

I’ve been lucky enough to chat with Becky Lyddon from Sensory Spectacle on a few occasions and she is so awesome at explaining sensory life. I have mentioned her in previous blogs and I’ll be sure to link those below. For now, let’s listen to Becky explain the benefits of bouncing on a bed.

We have a trampoline in our backyard and ‘J’ could jump on it for hours. Over the years we have offered time on the trampoline when we can tell that it may be helpful in certain moments. Of course this is aside from just random playtimes when he’s bouncing as well.

I often have to remind myself that jumping on the bed is often exactly what ‘J’ needs and not something he’s doing strictly for the fun of it.

To learn more about the Vestibular Sense and your other 7 senses (yes there are 8), click here.

Previous Blogs Featuring Becky Lyddon:

A Hairy Situation

It’s Too Loud

Sensory Spectacle Resources

Magical Mommy Monday Episode

Amazon Prime Early Access for Sensory Items

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There are so many benefits to sensory items! They can help calm a child, regulate emotions, focus, enhance fine motor skills, improve language skills and so much more.

Amazon is currently running a Prime Early Access promotion today, October 11th and tomorrow, October 12th. Although the links below are affiliate links, they are products (or similar ones) we have in our home.

Click here to check out some of our favorite things!

The Way I Parent

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Fun fact: I didn’t have imaginary friends when I was little, but I did have imaginary children. I have wanted kids for as long as I can remember. Did I have them at the exact age I thought I would? Nope. Did I have as many as I sometimes thought I might? Nope. Life takes twists and turns and leads you to where you’re supposed to be. I’m lucky enough to have hit the jackpot with two awesome kids.

I don’t know that I ever envisioned too much about parenthood outside of – yup, definitely want that! I didn’t really know what kind of parent I wanted to be, couldn’t picture being the parent of school age kids and now that I am, I have a hard time imagining who I’ll be as the parent of high schoolers <cue anxiety>.

I used to love knowing what was going to happen and liked having a plan. I’m not sure when that lessened, but it definitely did over time. And I’m glad it did. For me, it was a more stressful way of living. I think the fact that I was able to let go of some of that, helped open me up to letting my kids show me the way when it comes to parenting.

That sounds weird, even as I type it, since I’m basically just thinking out loud in this blog and wasn’t sure how to phrase that. And don’t mistake what I’m saying, my kids do not run the show. But I do think that growing up in the 80s and 90s, our parents as a society were much different than (most) parents today. We didn’t have much of a choice in…anything, our parents definitely didn’t do as many activities with us, etc.

Please note: I have great parents and had a great childhood. But was it perfect? Of course not. Each generation just tries to move the needle and improve the one before.

Having a child that didn’t talk for two and a half years, with sensory processing difficulties helps tune you in to what they’re needing on a bigger level. I’ve realized how many people expect so much from kids in general. They should behave perfectly in every situation. They should be up to date on social cues, say things even if they don’t mean it, the list goes on and on. Kids are people, just smaller ones. They have thoughts and opinions, likes and dislikes, they have big feelings and should feel seen and heard. There are so many things that kids still have to do that they won’t like. For example, they’re not going to be excited about going to the doctor, the dentist, some days they may not be into school (hopefully they don’t hate it), homework, etc. But those things have to be done. If there is something either of my kids don’t have to do, don’t want to do or feel uncomfortable about, I’m not going to make them. I choose my battles and hear them out. Are there times they come from a place of no when I know they’d love to do a certain activity or go some place but they just may be fearing the unknown? Of course, and that’s where the balance to everything I’m saying comes in.

We all know our children best. We should always make sure they feel safe, feel seen, feel heard, feel respected and can express any opinion or emotion to us without fear of repercussion. They are still figuring out the world and hopefully will always be on that journey. We should be there to help guide them. I don’t know about you, but I’m still definitely on it. I’m not a perfect parent and never will be. I do try my best and some days are better than others. On the days I felt like I could’ve done better, I make sure to check in with myself, try not to spiral so that I can get up the next morning and try again.

Again, I’m not sure if I ever envisioned the type of parent I would be, but I think having a sensory kid definitely made me more aware of both of my kids as humans and working to keep their emotions, my emotions, our surroundings all in balance. If we’re not regulated, they’re not regulated.

I’ve learned more about myself in these last 8 years of parenting than any other time in my life. I look forward to learning more.

Anticipation

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When I started this blog, I came up with the title “Just My MomSense” because I’m a big believer in trusting your gut.

No one knows your child better than you. This kicks in as soon as they enter the world. You start learning which cries mean hungry or indicate they’re in pain. You start to know by the looks on their face if they’re sick and as they get bigger, you can tell by a look on their face if something bigger is going on.

As a third grader, we have to trust our gut in new ways with ‘J.’ He’s always been big on keeping things bottled up but those feelings end up coming out in different ways. We don’t want this to be a norm for him and try our best to give him the tools he needs to express how he’s feeling. For example, we know there have been times things happen at school but he didn’t say anything because he wasn’t sure who to tell or when or didn’t want to interrupt the schedule of the day. We continue to let him know how important it is to speak up and to let someone know how he’s feeling because no one can help him if they don’t know what’s going on.

We’re all about the tools in this house and always have been. For us, therapies have been helpful because they give him more tools for his toolbox to get through his day. I’ve talked before about how things that so many people take for granted throughout their day are tougher for him, so the more tools to help, the better.

One of our tools, as parents, is anticipation. Maybe that isn’t the best word, maybe preparation is better…probably both. We do are best to anticipate and prep him and his sister for upcoming activities. We show pictures, videos when possible, or just explain an itinerary in detail. This helps to avoid fear of the unknown and soften any anxiety that could arise. We also try our best to anticipate how they’re doing in any situation. We can see a look on their face and know they’re uncomfortable or tired or starting to get anxious. When that happens we can pull them to the side or distract them or we can also leave the situation we’re in. It all depends.

Are we perfect at preparation and anticipation? Nope. Do we screw up sometimes and then have to think about why they’re acting a certain way? Yup, plenty. But we try our best and as parents, that’s all we can do.

Having a child with a speech delay and sensory processing difficulties has changed the way we parent both of our kids, more on that in the next blog!

Sensory Items In My House That Just Make Sense

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Are you on TikTok? Do you spend too much scrolling through and watching videos throughout the day? Have you moved up to posting yet?

I have. I started pre-pandemic just scrolling randomly, trying to stay young and keep up with cool apps. And now I’m on it everyday!

But this blog isn’t about TikTok, just inspired by it. There’s a current trend to the song “Che La Luna” where people share things in their homes, their places of work, etc that just make sense. Yesterday, I decided to do one for Sensory Items.

In the video I included:

  • Noise Cancelling Headphones
  • Sensory Swing
  • Sensory Bin (with fidgets)
  • Sensory Diet Options Chart
  • Trampoline
  • Sensory Sand

Looking around my house today, I could’ve included more like a wiggle seat, beads, molding clay, etc. I’ve talked about various activites with sensory items in previous blogs, but putting them together in one place makes you realize just how much one can accumulate.

What sensory items do you have in your house that just make sense? Feel free to comment on this blog or find me on social media!

Twitter: @jenillo

Instagram: @justmymomsense or @jenillo

TikTok: @jenillotok

@jenillotok

#sensory #sensoryplay #sensorytoys #sensorybin #sensoryprocessingdisorder #parenting #parentsoftiktok #kids #kidsoftiktok #momlife #dadlife

♬ Che La Luna – Louis Prima

Artist Spotlight: Nicole Porter

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I’m so excited to be adding a new section to the Just My MomSense Blog!

On the Magical Mommy Monday Podcast, my amazing co-host Angela Dahlgren and I had the opportunity to chat with some awesome family entertainers. I want to continue to showcase those that are taking their passions and turning them into art for families, here on this blog!

The Artist Spotlight page will highlight one new entertainer a week. We’re going to start things off with Nicole Porter and her new album “For Children of All Ages.” As a parent and child therapist, she helps children heal through her art.

If you’ve read this blog before then you know I am a big believer of kids having tools in their toolbox to help them with speech, to regulate themselves or to express themselves. Art is such an amazing tool for anyone, but especially children. I love how this album takes listeners on a journey of healing.

“For Children of All Ages provides a rare opportunity to enjoy tunes geared toward uplifting children and families who are experiencing difficult times,” says Nicole Porter. “It focuses on fostering wellness and a sense of security, and it introduces therapeutic techniques that can be used in a playful way with all children. It’s also a gentle dip into the vast stream of possibility that art therapy holds for healing humans.”

As co-producers, co-writers, and members of the band You and Us, Nicole Porter and musical colleague Wyndham Garnett (Lola Kirke, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Elvis Perkins) bring a vibrant dynamic to For Children of All Ages. Recorded at the Chicken Shack with Nick Kinsey (Kevin Morby, Waxahatchee, Elvis Perkins), the album draws upon Porter’s and Garnett’s mutual love of vintage British rock and classic American puppetry. The songs abound with thoughtfully crafted messages of courage, love, and support, delivered from the heart with artistry, enthusiasm, grace, and more than a few giggles.

About Nicole Porter:

Specializing in early childhood, acute assessment, trauma treatment, family advocacy, and community education, Nicole Porter works as a clinical director, art therapist, and artist. Porter directed child therapy in the days following the Sandy Hook School tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut in 2012. The processes and tools developed with the Newtown families inspired her to establish a mental health organization and art therapy trauma response team, the Emerald Sketch, which mobilizes clinicians to set up sustainable creative arts therapy services following disasters or traumatic events throughout the United States and globally. Porter has led trauma response projects at sites ranging from the Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, South Carolina to the March for Our Lives in DC and beyond.

Her creative projects include An American Nightmare, a 2019 solo performance at Hudson Guild Theater, NYC, and The JillRabbits, a Philadelphia-based electro-pop band, of which she was a member from 2005 to 2014. The band You and Us is Nicole Porter’s first foray into recording and producing family rock and pop music.

For Children of All Ages is available now: https://www.nicoleporterdavis.com/music

Being Nostalgic About Your Kids Being Young

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While They’re Still Young

When my kids were babies, I hated switching out their clothes every few months. It made me so sad to think about how quickly the time was going and how fast they were growing. While also knowing it was awesome that they were thriving.

“The days are long but the years are short.”

“Time flies.”

“Enjoy it now because it goes by quick.”

“They grow up so fast.”

“Don’t blink or you may miss it.”

It’s true. All of it!

Nothing has flown by faster than these last seven and a half years I’ve spent as a mom. I have found myself becoming more and more nostalgic…and anxiety ridden….for the days when they were babies.

The toddler clothes section of Target? Yup, I’ve gotten choked up there. My daughter is in 5T clothes, soon she’ll join her brother on the other side of the aisle.

Seeing people on walks with their babies in strollers? How did that go by so quick? No one talks about how quick kids grow out of strollers, especially for leisurely walking.

The TimeHop app on my phone constantly reminding me of adorable moments on a random Tuesday? I love it and hate it all at the same time.

I’m a nostalgic person to my core. I’m all about throwback photos, remembering things from my childhood, missing certain things about Disney in the 90’s, music and more. But I wasn’t expecting to feel so nostalgic only 7 years into motherhood. I find it hitting me more and more randomly as the days go on.

All I want is for my babies to continue to grow and thrive. I want to them to be independent and enjoy life to the absolute fullest. I know this is a trade off because it also means them pulling away from me more as the years go on. And as hard as it’ll be, it’s ok. It’s what’s meant to happen. I want them to find their happy places, surround themselves with good people and be living life on their terms. I hope they create their own dreams and see them all come true.

But what I wouldn’t give for buying some baby clothes from that side of the aisle at Target for one more day.