After a summer hiatus, Just My MomSense is back and I couldn’t be more excited!.
If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Jen, a mom navigating the everyday ups and downs of parenting, sharing stories, resources, and encouragement along the way.
This week’s episode is a solo one, where I’m catching you up on how summer went in our house, how we’re handling the big back-to-school transition, and what’s ahead for the podcast.
I’d love to hear from you too! How was your summer, and how is the back-to-school season going for your family? Share with me in the comments below or come connect on Instagram [@justmymomsense].
Just My MomSense: The Podcast is officially out in the world! I was excited (and a little nervous!) to finally hit publish on these first few episodes.
If you’re new here: I’m not an expert. I’m a mom learning, growing, and doing the best I can just like you. This podcast is a space for parents, caregivers, and anyone navigating the world of raising humans.
Let’s take a look at the first three episodes in case you missed them:
Episode 1: Introducing Just My MomSense
This one is short and sweet! I talk about why I started this podcast and what you can expect going forward. Every good series needs a Pilot episode!
In this episode I dive into all eight senses: what they are, how they work, and why understanding them is essential for supporting your kids (and yourself)
This episode has my first official guest, my friend Dr. Val! We talk all about how we really learn. We dive into the different learning styles and explore why recognizing these styles matters for kids and adults alike.
Looking forward to more interviews with experts and incredible parents, solo chats sharing my own tips, and resources I’ve found helpful along the way.
If you’ve listened, THANK YOU!
Subscribe on your favorite podcast app, and if you like what you hear, leave a quick rating or review. It helps so much in getting the word out.
For the past few (or more) years, we have always known the Holidays are pretty overwhelming for ‘J.’ Typically the month leading up to Christmas (and his Birthday) prove to be a challenge. In years past, that has been expressed through tears, extreme frustration, attitude, being on edge, acting out of character, etc.
In November, we attended a lunch for my dad’s work. We were at our family’s favorite restaurant, which was a familiar place for ‘J.’ We sat at a table with my parents, my brother, sister-in-law and niece. Immediately, ‘J’ wanted out of the situation. There were moments he seemed settled and then once he was done eating, he just kept asking if we could leave.
Through some tears on the way home, we focused more on having a calm drive. When we got home, I sat with him 1:1 to talk through what he was feeling at the restaurant. The first thing he said was “Why is Christmas so overwhelming?”
It may sound weird, but I felt a bit of relief in that. And not that I want him to feel bad or be sad, but the fact that he was able to communicate that was HUGE to me. We talked through what felt like a lot to him, how it was different than other times we were in the restaurant and everything that happens in the month of December. I told him how great it was that he was able to communicate how he felt and that it’s important that he feels comfortable. I asked what we could do to make the holidays easier and what changes we could make. In the end, he was feeling better and ended the day on a high note.
Holidays are typically stressful for everyone. There are highs and lows, parties, gifts, seeing more family, etc. I think as adults, sometimes you feel like-eh, kids can get through it, they get gifts, what could be bad?
However for them, as they’re still figuring out the world, there’s a lot happening. Add in sensory difficulties and anxiety and the normal day to day struggle that ‘J’ goes through is now heightened. As adults, if we’re uncomfortable, we can remove ourselves from a situation, ask for help or change plans. That’s way tougher when you’re a kid.
This Holiday season, remember to listen to your child (or those around you). If they’re acting different, crying more, getting frustrated more easily, remember that there is always an underlying reason. They’re not trying to be bad or ruin the holidays. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, they are people with feelings and opinions that should be respected just like anyone else.
If you’re the parent of a child with anxiety and sensory processing difficulties, take things one day, one hour, one minute, at a time. Remember to remain calm and keep yourself regulated (easier said than done, especially in this season) in order to be a safe place for your child. The Holidays may not look like you imagined, but that’s ok. Make the magic however you can in a way your child would appreciate.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the craziness of day to day life. I feel like most have returned to making plans, seeing friends and family and being generally “busy.” As adults, we often find ourselves having to hit the reset button. Sometimes we realize we need to get more sleep, eat healthier, exercise more or set new goals. As parents, it’s important to know when we need a parenting reset or our kids need their own reset.
Sensory Processing difficulties can play tricks on you as a parent. You may think you’ve found your groove or have a good routine going. Maybe your kids have grown more and they’re able to express their feelings in a better way. You may even find they’re having more good days than difficult. But kids are little people that are evolving, changing and constantly trying to figure out the world. When we’re in a routine with school, activities and playdates, it’s easy to put that fact on the back burner. We’re just doing instead of making conscious efforts.
‘J’ is seven and a half and in second grade. He’s doing awesome in school. He loves his friends and teacher (and doing extra homework). He was fully virtual last year but did great adjusting back to in person learning. Being around new kids and seeing how they interact was a bit tough at first. He witnessed some rougher play, hitting each other, yelling in each other’s faces, all of which is not his personality. It definitely made him uncomfortable but he’s good about knowing right from wrong and over time started to understand varying personalities.
We’re in NY and this winter has been tough. Not too many days where we could be outside and play. This has an effect on him every year. As soon as the weather gets nicer, we’re outside daily and it definitely helps him regulate his body. With the colder temps, snow and rain, it’s not so easy. His mood is affected, his body is affected and eventually a light bulb goes off in my mind that it’s time to hit the reset button.
With ‘J’ getting older, how his SPD affects him has changed as well. He can spot if there’s a tag in his clothing that he wants cut out before he even wears it which is an improvement from a few years ago. If he’s frustrated or not getting his way, he can’t process how his body reacts to that emotion. Some adults aren’t good at dealing with their frustrations and he’s human, of course he’s allowed to be frustrated sometimes.
However, for him, he takes it out on himself. There’s negative self talk, he physically takes out his frustration on himself and as parents, it’s hard to watch. Especially when, prior to 6 months ago, he never did that.
The best thing we can do in these moments is to stay calm and keep ourselves regulated. No problem when your kid is hurting himself right? It’s not always going to be perfect but it has to be the goal or else the problem will just escalate.
For us, hitting the reset button meant taking a step back to make sure he doesn’t do anything dangerous while also not automatically reacting to everything he’s doing. It meant reminding ourselves that we need to stay calm in order for him to get back to that place too.
Bedtime was starting to get to be a struggle and I finally asked ‘J’ what was overwhelming him. He basically said he didn’t like being told what to do with the routine. So we said no problem, here’s everything we do before bed, how about you decide what you want to do first. This has been a game changer. The routine takes a little longer at night but we’re not in a battle anymore and that’s a huge win.
We also started incorporating sensory activities into our day again. This is one of those things that we can let slip when we’re so caught up in the day to day routine. Were we doing sensory activities some days? Yes. But not enough with conscious efforts behind it. We’re now having both kids choose what they want to do in the morning and in the afternoon on a chart. We have play-doh, beads, exercises, sensory swing time, reading a book in a rocking chair and others on the list. Some days we’ve brought their bicycles inside, put the training wheels in our shoes and let them pedal away to release some energy. They love this activity! They’ve used their imaginations to say where they’re going, what kind of adventures they’re encountering and who they may see along the way.
Going back to basics and remembering how important a sensory diet is (in whatever way you can fit it into your day), has helped mitigate some of those frustrating times. Of course they still happen and we will continue to work on different ways to get through those moments. Nothing will change overnight. It’s all about us as adults and our kids continuing to evolve, understanding emotions and figuring out ways to handle them.
Back in my day, there were walkers and bussers. Walkers were the kids who lived too close to the school and didn’t qualify for bus services. Bussers, well that one is obvious. I was a walker.
When registering ‘J’ for school, we had to sign forms for him to take the bus and were told we would receive a bus pass prior to school starting. I asked if I was able to drive him myself or if he was required to take the bus. The woman was taken aback by the question and said of course I could take him but that every child had the ability to take the bus.
I knew ‘J’ would never go for it.
We did try though. We talked to him about it and asked if he wanted to try. It was a big no. At the time, his sister was 2 and stated “I’m gonna take the bus when I go to school!”
We figured we would start the school year with me bringing him, and maybe once he saw friends taking the bus, he would want to as well. One day he finally agreed to take it home from school. This was huge!
I received a message from his teacher saying that he started to cry once he realized it was time to line up and walk out to the bus. She let me know his friends consoled him and all chanted his name. This made my heart melt. Once they got outside, the Principal and Vice Principal were also cheering him on. He went onto the bus in tears.
My biggest fear was that he’d try to run. When faced with fight or flight, he typically choose flight. We had prepped him leading up to it; we would meet him at the bus stop and he should not to get off the bus until he saw us. But we were still a bit nervous.
My husband, J’s sister and I all went to the corner to wait for him. We were talking to a neighbor when we heard honking, we look over and the bus had pulled up right in front of the house. We ran over and he walked off the bus in a pile of tears and sniffles. He did it! He rode the bus! Something he was so nervous about but he made it through.
He made it clear he never wanted to do it again.
The only other time he has taken the bus since that day was for his only field trip. They went to see a stage show of Frosty the Snowman. He sat next to his teacher and did great. I think being with his whole class, having the comfort of his teacher there and knowing I was picking him up once he returned to school helped to make that bus ride a whole lot easier.
Truth be told, having never taken a school bus myself (except for field trips), I was totally fine with the idea of picking him up and dropping him off. I just want him to always know the option is there for more independence. If he changes his mind one day and wants to ride the bus with his friends, we will support it. If not, that’s ok too.
In the final part of this series, I will discuss our experience with school closing due to Covid.
Tomorrow is ‘J’s’ closing ceremony for school. Next week is his last week of speech and OT. And then a summer break.
I’ve started coming up with a general schedule for the summer. Planning is great as long as you remain open to changes along the way. You cannot expect things to go perfectly every day or even every minute. But in my experience, kids tend to respond well to consistency and they love having things to look forward to!
I’m looking forward to summer. Not having things you “have” to do, enjoying the outdoors and maybe a few road trips along the way!
I’ll probably be talking a lot about my gut feelings in these blogs. You could even call it my MomSense (see what I did there). I’ve always believed in the ‘trust your gut’ theory, but never moreso than when I became a mom.
Trust your gut in whats best for you when delivering your baby. Trust your gut when you decide to breastfeed or bottle feed. Trust your gut on when it’s just a cold and when to take to them to the doctor. And trust your gut if you think there is something not so “right” or “typical” when it comes to your child.
My gut guided me to seek out an evaluation for speech and my gut guided me when it came to evaluating ‘J’ for sensory integration.
Not everyone will understand. Some may not even believe it’s a real thing. But no one knows your child better than you. I know what screams and cries are that of a typical 3 year old compared to ones that are indicating he’s in distress and overwhelmed by his surroundings. It’s not something we as parents or others around him did wrong. And there’s nothing wrong with him. If someone triggers him, I know it’s not their fault. All of that drives my mommy gut to know I made and continue to make the right decisions when it comes getting him the right therapy.
As most parents, me and my husband will be the biggest advocate for our kids. I will trust my mommy gut regardless of what others think or any challenges that may arise because of it. They’re worth all of it!
decide to breastfeed or bottle feed. Trust your gut on when it’s just a cold and when to take to them to the doctor. And trust your gut if you think there is something not so “right” or “typical” when it comes to your child. 
Just My MomSense 