Tag: Kids

Anticipation

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When I started this blog, I came up with the title “Just My MomSense” because I’m a big believer in trusting your gut.

No one knows your child better than you. This kicks in as soon as they enter the world. You start learning which cries mean hungry or indicate they’re in pain. You start to know by the looks on their face if they’re sick and as they get bigger, you can tell by a look on their face if something bigger is going on.

As a third grader, we have to trust our gut in new ways with ‘J.’ He’s always been big on keeping things bottled up but those feelings end up coming out in different ways. We don’t want this to be a norm for him and try our best to give him the tools he needs to express how he’s feeling. For example, we know there have been times things happen at school but he didn’t say anything because he wasn’t sure who to tell or when or didn’t want to interrupt the schedule of the day. We continue to let him know how important it is to speak up and to let someone know how he’s feeling because no one can help him if they don’t know what’s going on.

We’re all about the tools in this house and always have been. For us, therapies have been helpful because they give him more tools for his toolbox to get through his day. I’ve talked before about how things that so many people take for granted throughout their day are tougher for him, so the more tools to help, the better.

One of our tools, as parents, is anticipation. Maybe that isn’t the best word, maybe preparation is better…probably both. We do are best to anticipate and prep him and his sister for upcoming activities. We show pictures, videos when possible, or just explain an itinerary in detail. This helps to avoid fear of the unknown and soften any anxiety that could arise. We also try our best to anticipate how they’re doing in any situation. We can see a look on their face and know they’re uncomfortable or tired or starting to get anxious. When that happens we can pull them to the side or distract them or we can also leave the situation we’re in. It all depends.

Are we perfect at preparation and anticipation? Nope. Do we screw up sometimes and then have to think about why they’re acting a certain way? Yup, plenty. But we try our best and as parents, that’s all we can do.

Having a child with a speech delay and sensory processing difficulties has changed the way we parent both of our kids, more on that in the next blog!

Being Nostalgic About Your Kids Being Young

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While They’re Still Young

When my kids were babies, I hated switching out their clothes every few months. It made me so sad to think about how quickly the time was going and how fast they were growing. While also knowing it was awesome that they were thriving.

“The days are long but the years are short.”

“Time flies.”

“Enjoy it now because it goes by quick.”

“They grow up so fast.”

“Don’t blink or you may miss it.”

It’s true. All of it!

Nothing has flown by faster than these last seven and a half years I’ve spent as a mom. I have found myself becoming more and more nostalgic…and anxiety ridden….for the days when they were babies.

The toddler clothes section of Target? Yup, I’ve gotten choked up there. My daughter is in 5T clothes, soon she’ll join her brother on the other side of the aisle.

Seeing people on walks with their babies in strollers? How did that go by so quick? No one talks about how quick kids grow out of strollers, especially for leisurely walking.

The TimeHop app on my phone constantly reminding me of adorable moments on a random Tuesday? I love it and hate it all at the same time.

I’m a nostalgic person to my core. I’m all about throwback photos, remembering things from my childhood, missing certain things about Disney in the 90’s, music and more. But I wasn’t expecting to feel so nostalgic only 7 years into motherhood. I find it hitting me more and more randomly as the days go on.

All I want is for my babies to continue to grow and thrive. I want to them to be independent and enjoy life to the absolute fullest. I know this is a trade off because it also means them pulling away from me more as the years go on. And as hard as it’ll be, it’s ok. It’s what’s meant to happen. I want them to find their happy places, surround themselves with good people and be living life on their terms. I hope they create their own dreams and see them all come true.

But what I wouldn’t give for buying some baby clothes from that side of the aisle at Target for one more day.

Hitting the Reset Button

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It’s so easy to get caught up in the craziness of day to day life. I feel like most have returned to making plans, seeing friends and family and being generally “busy.” As adults, we often find ourselves having to hit the reset button. Sometimes we realize we need to get more sleep, eat healthier, exercise more or set new goals. As parents, it’s important to know when we need a parenting reset or our kids need their own reset.

Sensory Processing difficulties can play tricks on you as a parent. You may think you’ve found your groove or have a good routine going. Maybe your kids have grown more and they’re able to express their feelings in a better way. You may even find they’re having more good days than difficult. But kids are little people that are evolving, changing and constantly trying to figure out the world. When we’re in a routine with school, activities and playdates, it’s easy to put that fact on the back burner. We’re just doing instead of making conscious efforts.

‘J’ is seven and a half and in second grade. He’s doing awesome in school. He loves his friends and teacher (and doing extra homework). He was fully virtual last year but did great adjusting back to in person learning. Being around new kids and seeing how they interact was a bit tough at first. He witnessed some rougher play, hitting each other, yelling in each other’s faces, all of which is not his personality. It definitely made him uncomfortable but he’s good about knowing right from wrong and over time started to understand varying personalities.

We’re in NY and this winter has been tough. Not too many days where we could be outside and play. This has an effect on him every year. As soon as the weather gets nicer, we’re outside daily and it definitely helps him regulate his body. With the colder temps, snow and rain, it’s not so easy. His mood is affected, his body is affected and eventually a light bulb goes off in my mind that it’s time to hit the reset button.

With ‘J’ getting older, how his SPD affects him has changed as well. He can spot if there’s a tag in his clothing that he wants cut out before he even wears it which is an improvement from a few years ago. If he’s frustrated or not getting his way, he can’t process how his body reacts to that emotion. Some adults aren’t good at dealing with their frustrations and he’s human, of course he’s allowed to be frustrated sometimes.

However, for him, he takes it out on himself. There’s negative self talk, he physically takes out his frustration on himself and as parents, it’s hard to watch. Especially when, prior to 6 months ago, he never did that.

The best thing we can do in these moments is to stay calm and keep ourselves regulated. No problem when your kid is hurting himself right? It’s not always going to be perfect but it has to be the goal or else the problem will just escalate.

For us, hitting the reset button meant taking a step back to make sure he doesn’t do anything dangerous while also not automatically reacting to everything he’s doing. It meant reminding ourselves that we need to stay calm in order for him to get back to that place too.

Bedtime was starting to get to be a struggle and I finally asked ‘J’ what was overwhelming him. He basically said he didn’t like being told what to do with the routine. So we said no problem, here’s everything we do before bed, how about you decide what you want to do first. This has been a game changer. The routine takes a little longer at night but we’re not in a battle anymore and that’s a huge win.

We also started incorporating sensory activities into our day again. This is one of those things that we can let slip when we’re so caught up in the day to day routine. Were we doing sensory activities some days? Yes. But not enough with conscious efforts behind it. We’re now having both kids choose what they want to do in the morning and in the afternoon on a chart. We have play-doh, beads, exercises, sensory swing time, reading a book in a rocking chair and others on the list. Some days we’ve brought their bicycles inside, put the training wheels in our shoes and let them pedal away to release some energy. They love this activity! They’ve used their imaginations to say where they’re going, what kind of adventures they’re encountering and who they may see along the way.

Going back to basics and remembering how important a sensory diet is (in whatever way you can fit it into your day), has helped mitigate some of those frustrating times. Of course they still happen and we will continue to work on different ways to get through those moments. Nothing will change overnight. It’s all about us as adults and our kids continuing to evolve, understanding emotions and figuring out ways to handle them.

CDC and AAP Milestone Update

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I’m going to be honest. I’ve been writing a few blogs that I was planning on releasing, with a set schedule in mind in order to get back into the blogging game. However, this week the CDC and AAP released an update to their milestone guidelines and I thought, how could I not discuss this current news item?

If you’re new here, please know that I am just a mom and my opinions are coming strictly from that perspective. My son had an expressive speech delay and didn’t talk until two and a half. You can read more about that here. At three, we had him evaluated by an Occupational Therapist for Sensory Processing Disorder. I discussed that in another previous blog: ‘When Is It Empathy and When is it Sensory?’ All this to reiterate that I’m speaking strictly as a mom that has dealt with delays in developmental milestones.

The goal of the CDC and AAP is to help catch developmental delays, as well as Autism, earlier. But as any parent knows, nothing is one size fits all when it comes to kids.

When we were starting to question our son’s speech delay, everyone had an opinion, with the best intentions of course. We heard “oh he’s fine, just give him time” or “so and so didn’t talk until 3, he’s fiiiiine” and of course “he’s perfect, you have nothing to worry about!” As first time parents, our guts were saying one thing but everyone around us was saying another. When he turned 2 in June, his doctor mentioned we could look into having him evaluated or give him a few months to see if it just clicks one day. We gave him two months and decided to go with the evaluation.

On the flip side, our daughter said “Banana” which sounded like “Ah-na-naaaa” as her first word, at 12 months old. From that moment on, she was off and running with talking.

Our son walked at 14 months, where our daughter walked closer to 18 months. Two kids, from the same house, hitting milestones at different times. No one child is the same and they will all develop at different times.

The guidelines are just that and shouldn’t be something that parents feel have to be followed exactly. The updates have certain milestones pushed back, with others pushed ahead. I’m sure doctors, speech therapists, occupational therapists and physical therapists all have their opinions. Here is the one thing I know for sure: trust your gut!

The exact reason I started this blog was to share our experience in hopes of helping others while focusing on that gut feeling. It’s the feeling you have as a parent, because only you know your child best. For me, I refer to it as my “MomSense.” If you are working with a pediatrician that you feel is a good fit for your family, will listen to your concerns and take them seriously, offers advice without being pushy and will care for your child with good bedside manner all while trusting your gut, you and your child will be fine.

You are the number one advocate for your child always. If you feel your child might have a delay, the sooner you have them evaluated, the sooner they have tools in their toolbox to get them through the day to day. Walking, talking, crawling, stacking blocks and so many other things can be easily taken for granted. Family, friends and societal stigmas (which shouldn’t exist but unfortunately do) can sometimes get in the way of what you know to be true.

With these new guidelines, or any others, talk to your doctor and trust your gut. It will not steer you in the wrong direction.

You can read the updates to the Milestone Guidelines, by clicking here.

Themed Learning Week | Day 3

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My kids went all in on the Descendants movies during the Spring. I tried to make sure the themed days would be something they both enjoy and I knew this would be a winner.

It was indeed! As soon as they saw the sign, they ran to get changed into Descendants costumes for learning time.

I went outside of my comfort zone a bit by making my own themed worksheets. It was my first go at it, and I’ll share them here and on my Pinterest page for those that may be interested!

They did great with the worksheets and loved having the theme tied into them! We did some Descendants dancing afterwards, because, how could you not?

I’ll be posting about our final day tomorrow!

Themed Learning Week | Day 2

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“Climb the mountain, not so the world can see you, but so you can see the world.” – David McCullough

The World was our theme for Day 2 this week!

We kicked off our time by reading an oldie but goodie “I Am Human.” We love adding this book into our rotation from time to time to open the discussion of kindness, how we’re all connected and what we can do to make the world a better place. The conversation led to why it’s good to reduce, reuse and recycle and different types of ways we can help other people.

I found these awesome worksheets from clevelearner.com via Pinterest. They got to review directions of a compass and started to working on reading a map. Would a map discussion be complete if they weren’t able to create their own treasure map?

They decided to complete the treasure map while dressed as pirates. I took apart an old box and planned to have them create a city out of it. They had bigger plans!

Since they were already dressed as pirates and had a treasure map, why not create a whole island? They got to work with crayons, Play-Doh, figures and anything else they could find!

All in all, Day 2 was a success. The best part was watching their imaginations take over and finish off learning time.

There will be a total of 4 days in this series. A cold ran through the house that gave us a mid-week break!

Themed Learning Week | Day 1

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In the last few weeks I’ve been squeezing in some learning time during the day. Not too much where they feel like it’s “school” but just enough to get some practice in before school starts. They’ve been doing some workbook pages, iPad learning games and having some solo reading time daily.

This week I decided to change things up by having a theme each day for “Learning Time.” First up: Pixar Day!

Have I mentioned how thankful I am for Pinterest? They get me through any kind of spontaneous teaching/learning I end up doing! I found this ‘Inside Out’ worksheet (courtesy of buildingyourstory.com) and circles (which I laminated and cut out).

I had them write out how the felt, in age appropriate ways. ‘J’ at 7 was able to write out sentences, while his sister at 4, copied which feeling she aligned with and one word that caused her to feel that way. They both picked Joy and considering it was Monday, I thought that was a great way to kick off their week!

I created a game with the circles. I turned them all face down and had them take turns picking one. Whatever circle they picked, they had to describe a time they felt like that character.

Since we were on a social-emotional path, we also read some of our ‘Inside Out’ character books.

Staying on our path, we discussed the Silenzio Bruno scene in ‘Luca.’ We talked through silencing negative thoughts, replacing them with positives and being brave! Then they colored this worksheet!

Next up, I snuck in some age appropriate Math! ‘J’ practiced money with a Toy Story worksheet and his sister worked on a Toy Story puzzle to practice number order. I built on both a bit by changing up the number order for the puzzle and having ‘J’ use pretend money to pay for the items on the worksheet.

We finished things up with a Toy Story matching game!

Day 1 was a success and they were excited to see what was in store for Day 2! Stay tuned for more!

A Karate Win

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Yesterday was big! ‘J’ knows it and we know it.

If you’ve read this blog before, you know that ‘J’ has had struggles going into school and going to swim lessons. He got through them both, but it was difficult. Before the pandemic, we had attempted a Ninja Warrior class at the same place we used to take mommy and me classes. I thought he would love it. He loves to run, jump and create obstacle courses, this would be perfect!

It wasn’t.

Although I would be able to watch him during the class, a counter separated us which was too much of a separation for ‘J.’ There are things that we have to force him to do that aren’t easy for him: school, going to the doctor, etc. This wasn’t something he HAD to do, so we didn’t go back.

With some time having passed, we decided to try again this past spring. This time, his sister was also old enough for the class and I thought having each other would help.

It didn’t.

His sister however loved it and we signed her up for Ninja Warrior class, as well as Gymnastics. He came with us to watch her a few times and never felt like he was missing out. A feeling I never want him to have. He was ok with his decision which made us ok with it too. In the meantime, we found a LEGO challenge class online and most recently a virtual drawing class. He was comfortable with this set up, especially after a year of virtual school.

Their two best friends recently decided to try classes at the same location. I mentioned it to ‘J’ and asked if would want to try again, he said no and was still ok not being there. Then his sister, and two friends tried the Karate class. This was something we had offered to him before and something we knew he would like. He came with me as we watched the trial class. As he sat there, he kept saying “I wish I could do that too.” I said “You can! I’m sure they’d even let you try this class if you wanted to.” He said he wouldn’t be able to because he would cry. This was the first class where he felt like he was missing out on something. We talked about it as the week went on. I suggested we email the teachers to see if we could arrive a few minutes early, he can get comfortable there and try it out. Each day he went back and forth about it. In the meantime, I had emailed the teachers who have known both kids since they were babies (due to those mommy and me classes) and they said he could absolutely try it out.

‘J’ has gotten all in on Pokemon cards. There’s one in particular he wants and we decided to put it out there as motivation (a bribe?). If he got through 3 Karate classes, he could get the card. He still continued to debate whether or not he wanted to try.

This brings us to yesterday, the day of the class. We didn’t talk about it too much but it was known that today was the day. The kids played outside in the sprinkler, we had lunch, they showered up and we left early to go to class.

The fact that he didn’t get too nervous prior to getting in the car – a win!

We pulled into the parking lot and he said his belly hurt. I told him to take a deep breath and we were just going to do things one step at a time. We walked in, hung out a bit and the teachers said how excited they were that he was going to try the class. He sipped on his water and went in to play on the equipment for a bit. All classes start this way. Although he had made it as far as open play before, I still considered this a win.

I was a bit nervous knowing that his biggest hurdle would be when they officially started class and went over to the red circle for warm ups. The music turned off and the teachers said “ok come on over everybody!” And off he went.

This. was. huge. He was in the circle, warming up, sharing stories. My eyes were welled up. If he did nothing else today, I was so proud of him for getting this far.

He got through the entire class, no tears, no running away, never saying he couldn’t do it. He followed the instructor’s moves, went through the mini workouts and had fun doing it. His first trip out to me for a sip of water he pulled down his mask and said “Am I doing good?” I told him he was doing awesome and his eyes started to well-I told him to take a deep breath, he had this and he ran back in. At the end class, he asked for a uniform and his white belt.

When we got home, I talked to him one on one and asked if he was proud of himself. He said he was and that he had fun. I told him I was too.

This was the first time that we walked into a building and he never had hesitation from that point on. There were no tears, there was no struggle and in the end he was proud of himself.

Was it knowing his sister and best friends were in the class? Was it because this was a class he really wanted to do? Was it the bribe of a Pokemon card? Maybe it was coming off a Disney trip where he went on three big rides and had more confidence? I think a combination of all of the above.

I’m holding back tears writing this because of how monumental it is. I know other parents who have kids with daily struggles understand it. Small wins are wins. Big wins are mind blowing.

Oh, and he’s going back for gymnastics today!

Disney’s Disability Access Service Card

On By justmymomsenseIn Travel1 Comment

Back in 2018, I wrote about visiting Disney World with Sensory Processing difficulties. If you’d like to check out that blog, click here.

We just recently returned from a trip to Walt Disney World. As mentioned in that June 2018 blog, I knew that the Disability Access Service Card existed. For this trip, we decided we would play out how ‘J’ would do in the parks, knowing that this was an option.

Looking back, I’m wishing we did it from Day 1.

The first two days of our trip, we tried to wait on lines that were not too long, take our time moving around the park and getting in breaks during the afternoon. However, even on lines that we didn’t feel were too long (15-20 minutes), ‘J’ felt otherwise. He was extremely overwhelmed waiting on line, in a crowd and felt it would take much longer than we were telling him.

If you’re a parent with a child that does not have sensory processing difficulties, you may be thinking: ‘ok but no kid wants to wait on a line in Orlando summer heat.’ And you’re right! And I don’t like it either. But for ‘J’ it’s different and his reactions to it are different. Just like any other day to day activities that may appear easy for us, they’re not always easy for him. This goes under that same umbrella.

So what is the Disability Access Service (DAS) Card? According to the Disney Parks Blog:

The DAS Card is designed to accommodate guests who aren’t able to wait in a conventional queue environment due to a disability (including non-apparent disabilities). DAS will be issued at Guest Relations main entrance locations and will offer guests a return time for attractions based on the current wait time. As soon as the Guest finishes one attraction, they can receive a return time for another. This service can be used in addition to Disney’s FASTPASS Service and Disney FastPass+ service.

On the third day of our trip, we headed to Hollywood Studios and went straight to Guest Relations. I explained that ‘J’ had sensory processing disorder and found the lines to be…and then the Cast Member finished my sentence with: overwhelming? She took us over to the side and set us up with a DAS from her handheld device. We were told that we would need to go to a specific attraction to get a return time and that the pass would be good for the entire trip. We wouldn’t need to go to guest relations each day to have it set up again.

This pass was a game changer! I could see a weight lifted off of ‘J’ as we went to different rides. He was calmer, less stressed and more excited. Isn’t that how it should be at Disney?

I’m so thankful to Disney for accommodating all of their guests and for their amazing service helping us to obtain our DAS.

If you’d like to learn more, visit the Disney Parks Blog or reach out to Disney Guest Relations!

School May Not Look Like You Imagined: Part 4

On By justmymomsenseIn school1 Comment

A Pandemic

In this series, I’ve talked a lot about J in Kindergarten. There was something else that happened that year which affected all of us: Covid.

In the days leading up to March 13th, we started hearing about some local schools closing as Covid cases were rising. We wondered if our school would follow along and second guessed even sending him in the meantime.

On Friday, March 13th, I picked J up from school. He was sent home with a packet of work and some login information for various websites as a “just in case.” At 5:00, we received a call that the school district would be closing for the following week. On Monday, the announcement came that they wouldn’t return until the end of March. As we all now know, in person learning was done for the year.

I’m thankful J had the teacher he did and that we are a part of an amazing school district. There were calls, emails and constant communication. Teachers sent out materials, websites, calendars with suggested activities and learning to get everyone through this time. In April, the staff got together and did a neighborhood parade where they drove through the district, honking the horns of their decorated cars and putting smiles on everyone’s faces. J was so excited to see his teacher again. It brought tears to my eyes.

In May, the staff from the High School drove around placing “Class of 2020” signs in front of the homes of the seniors. We have neighbors that were a part of this and I completely lost it watching the parents and kids hugging as the signs were placed. This was such a crazy time for all kids and senior year is supposed to be the best year. The class of 2020 had it cut short and turned upside down.

We spent the summer wondering what school would look like once Fall came. What decisions would the school make? What decisions would we have to make?

Ultimately the school decided to offer two options. The first was a hybrid model. You could send your child in twice a week (3 days every other week) and on the days they were home, they would learn remotely. The second was a fully virtual model, which is what we chose.

J works best when he’s in a routine and knows what to expect each day. We felt the back and forth of the hybrid model, coming off of a year of tough drop offs, would have had a negative impact. Although learning virtually would be new and have an adjustment period, at least it was consistent.

Prior to the holidays, J’s school returned to a full in person model, for those that were interested. If we had sent J back, he would have had to start with a new teacher, in a new class. This was also around the time that cases were once again rising. We decided to keep him virtual. As the year went on, the option to send him back remained open. There were kids from his class that went back and kids that had been in person, that joined his virtual class. The constant uncertainty among parents was clear. Everyone had to make decisions that worked best for their family.

We’re now weeks away from the last day of 1st grade (I can’t believe it)! J did amazing with virtual learning, probably too well. I have no words for all that his teacher did for a large class of remote learners. He had a schedule of google meets throughout the day, independent work and extra work if he was up to it. He is always up for extra work. Since Kindergarten, he has always created his own “extra homework.” He’s reading almost two grade levels ahead of where he is and has learned so much this year. There was an adjustment period in the beginning of not wanting to see himself on the screen during his google meets, not wanting to talk in front of everyone, etc. That went away quickly and he now loves to participate.

No one could have predicted the craziness of the 2020/2021 school year. I’m so thankful to teachers everywhere that went above and beyond for an experience no one was prepared for. Parents – you all made it through! The days were long and sometimes stressful, but we did it!

J’s school is Kindergarten through 2nd grade. His first year was cut short and now he’ll be returning in September for one year before moving on to a new school. It makes me sad that he didn’t get the normalcy and the amount of time he could have in a school we love.

Sometimes it’s not about sensory processing or anxiety, sometimes school doesn’t look like you imagined because of circumstances outside the home. The same can be said for parenting. We need to remember to expect the unexpected, go with the flow, do the best we can and take things one day at a time.