I couldn’t choose just one link to share from the Star Institute’s page of Resources, Tips & Downloadable Flyers! There are so many amazing resources, so I wanted to share them all!
Tag: school
The 1st Day of School 2023
I am now a parent of a 1st and 4th grader.
Yesterday was their first day of school.
New outfits? Check!
New kicks? Check! (Kicks-as the kids say)
School supplies? Check!
Both kids are in separate schools but this is their second year in their respective schools. Sound confusing? Our schools are split up in an interesting way in my area. I like it, but I do wish they could be in the same school. This won’t happen until one is a senior in High School and the other is a freshman.
A big milestone: this was the first year that my now 4th grader went into school without tears! This was major! He had plenty of nerves and ton of adrenaline. Luckily he saw some friends on the walk to school and waiting in front of the school. He was able to walk in as part of a pack and waive goodbye over his shoulder.
My 1st grader went in tear-free as well. She didn’t cry in Pre-K but threw me a curveball in Kindergarten when she cried and didn’t want to get out of the car. We had a successful drop off this year.
As I’ve talked about in previous blogs, all kids, not just my own, tend to hold in a lot of different emotions throughout the school day. Once they get home, it can come out in a variety of ways. When I picked up my 4th grader today, I had to wait for him at a new door. He came out of the door from last year and ran to me crying. I think the cap popped off and now it was mixed with feeling like he did something wrong. His nerves got the best of him and he went to the exit he knew the best. Tomorrow his teacher will point out exactly where he needs to be which will alleviate some of those jitters. We walked home with on and off tears talking about his teacher, his class and how he had a good day. He also pointed out how he didn’t cry that morning, which made him happy.
Transitions are hard. They’re extra tough for someone with sensory processing difficulties and anxiety. The routine of school each week into the weekend can be tough. The routine of the school year into summer can be tough. The summer routine back into the school routine with a new class and new teacher can be straight up overwhelming.
I have no doubts that they’ll both have a good year. As we always do, we take it one day at a time and try our best to focus on the highlights while riding the emotional waves.
Back To School Blogs From The Archives
Back to school time is upon us and I wanted to share some school related blogs I’ve written along the way:
School May Not Look Like You Imagined Part 1
School May Not Look Like You Imagined Part 2
School May Not Look Like You Imagined Part 3
School May Not Look Like You Imagined Part 4
Be sure to check out A Few Of My Favorite Things for books, favorite authors, toys and more that can help with the transition back to school and all year round!
Let me know how you’re feeling about this time of year by leaving a comment or connecting on Instagram: @justmymomsense!
The After School Eruption
I remember reading awhile back that children often keep a cap on their emotions during a school day and by the time they get home, the cap pops off. They know they’re in a safe and caring environment. They’re in a familiar place. They can now just be themselves.
My son is now 9, my daughter is 6 and the cap comes off each day. Some days it’s for a few minutes and some days (I’m looking at you Wednesdays) it lasts until bedtime. Being at school is a lot of work. When you’re experiencing different anxieties or having trouble grounding your senses, it can be completely overwhelming.
In school, kids have to:
- Sit in one spot for a good chunk of the day
- Interact with different kids and adults
- Be able to handle distractions going on around them, whether that’s another child calling out in the class or something happening outside
- Visit the cafeteria with different smells, an increase in volume from everyone talking, different lighting, etc
The list goes on. Now let’s throw in things like a child who is starting to get sick, maybe they have something going on at home, maybe they’re in the midst of a move or maybe they’re having a hard time making friends.
Now your child walks through the door at the end of the day carrying a suitcase full of mental, emotional and social experiences. It’s no wonder it pops open!
Consider this blog another reminder that kids are just small people trying to figure out life. Not so different from adults. Being a kid is hard and giving them the tools to help process all the ups and downs will help them as they get older and all of that stuff they’re carrying grows too.
The after school eruption can be tough, remember to regulate your own emotions from your day in order to help them regulate their day.
(Sometimes easier said than done but we’re all out here trying our best)
School May Not Look Like You Imagined: Part 4
A Pandemic
In this series, I’ve talked a lot about J in Kindergarten. There was something else that happened that year which affected all of us: Covid.
In the days leading up to March 13th, we started hearing about some local schools closing as Covid cases were rising. We wondered if our school would follow along and second guessed even sending him in the meantime.
On Friday, March 13th, I picked J up from school. He was sent home with a packet of work and some login information for various websites as a “just in case.” At 5:00, we received a call that the school district would be closing for the following week. On Monday, the announcement came that they wouldn’t return until the end of March. As we all now know, in person learning was done for the year.
I’m thankful J had the teacher he did and that we are a part of an amazing school district. There were calls, emails and constant communication. Teachers sent out materials, websites, calendars with suggested activities and learning to get everyone through this time. In April, the staff got together and did a neighborhood parade where they drove through the district, honking the horns of their decorated cars and putting smiles on everyone’s faces. J was so excited to see his teacher again. It brought tears to my eyes.
In May, the staff from the High School drove around placing “Class of 2020” signs in front of the homes of the seniors. We have neighbors that were a part of this and I completely lost it watching the parents and kids hugging as the signs were placed. This was such a crazy time for all kids and senior year is supposed to be the best year. The class of 2020 had it cut short and turned upside down.
We spent the summer wondering what school would look like once Fall came. What decisions would the school make? What decisions would we have to make?
Ultimately the school decided to offer two options. The first was a hybrid model. You could send your child in twice a week (3 days every other week) and on the days they were home, they would learn remotely. The second was a fully virtual model, which is what we chose.
J works best when he’s in a routine and knows what to expect each day. We felt the back and forth of the hybrid model, coming off of a year of tough drop offs, would have had a negative impact. Although learning virtually would be new and have an adjustment period, at least it was consistent.
Prior to the holidays, J’s school returned to a full in person model, for those that were interested. If we had sent J back, he would have had to start with a new teacher, in a new class. This was also around the time that cases were once again rising. We decided to keep him virtual. As the year went on, the option to send him back remained open. There were kids from his class that went back and kids that had been in person, that joined his virtual class. The constant uncertainty among parents was clear. Everyone had to make decisions that worked best for their family.
We’re now weeks away from the last day of 1st grade (I can’t believe it)! J did amazing with virtual learning, probably too well. I have no words for all that his teacher did for a large class of remote learners. He had a schedule of google meets throughout the day, independent work and extra work if he was up to it. He is always up for extra work. Since Kindergarten, he has always created his own “extra homework.” He’s reading almost two grade levels ahead of where he is and has learned so much this year. There was an adjustment period in the beginning of not wanting to see himself on the screen during his google meets, not wanting to talk in front of everyone, etc. That went away quickly and he now loves to participate.
No one could have predicted the craziness of the 2020/2021 school year. I’m so thankful to teachers everywhere that went above and beyond for an experience no one was prepared for. Parents – you all made it through! The days were long and sometimes stressful, but we did it!
J’s school is Kindergarten through 2nd grade. His first year was cut short and now he’ll be returning in September for one year before moving on to a new school. It makes me sad that he didn’t get the normalcy and the amount of time he could have in a school we love.
Sometimes it’s not about sensory processing or anxiety, sometimes school doesn’t look like you imagined because of circumstances outside the home. The same can be said for parenting. We need to remember to expect the unexpected, go with the flow, do the best we can and take things one day at a time.
School May Not Look Like You Imagined: Part 3
Taking the School Bus
Back in my day, there were walkers and bussers. Walkers were the kids who lived too close to the school and didn’t qualify for bus services. Bussers, well that one is obvious. I was a walker.
When registering ‘J’ for school, we had to sign forms for him to take the bus and were told we would receive a bus pass prior to school starting. I asked if I was able to drive him myself or if he was required to take the bus. The woman was taken aback by the question and said of course I could take him but that every child had the ability to take the bus.
I knew ‘J’ would never go for it.
We did try though. We talked to him about it and asked if he wanted to try. It was a big no. At the time, his sister was 2 and stated “I’m gonna take the bus when I go to school!”
We figured we would start the school year with me bringing him, and maybe once he saw friends taking the bus, he would want to as well. One day he finally agreed to take it home from school. This was huge!
I received a message from his teacher saying that he started to cry once he realized it was time to line up and walk out to the bus. She let me know his friends consoled him and all chanted his name. This made my heart melt. Once they got outside, the Principal and Vice Principal were also cheering him on. He went onto the bus in tears.
My biggest fear was that he’d try to run. When faced with fight or flight, he typically choose flight. We had prepped him leading up to it; we would meet him at the bus stop and he should not to get off the bus until he saw us. But we were still a bit nervous.
My husband, J’s sister and I all went to the corner to wait for him. We were talking to a neighbor when we heard honking, we look over and the bus had pulled up right in front of the house. We ran over and he walked off the bus in a pile of tears and sniffles. He did it! He rode the bus! Something he was so nervous about but he made it through.
He made it clear he never wanted to do it again.
The only other time he has taken the bus since that day was for his only field trip. They went to see a stage show of Frosty the Snowman. He sat next to his teacher and did great. I think being with his whole class, having the comfort of his teacher there and knowing I was picking him up once he returned to school helped to make that bus ride a whole lot easier.
Truth be told, having never taken a school bus myself (except for field trips), I was totally fine with the idea of picking him up and dropping him off. I just want him to always know the option is there for more independence. If he changes his mind one day and wants to ride the bus with his friends, we will support it. If not, that’s ok too.
In the final part of this series, I will discuss our experience with school closing due to Covid.
School May Not Look Like You Imagined: Part 2
Holiday Assemblies
I hate attention. I say this as someone who co-hosts two podcasts and does YouTube Lives. Guess you could say I’m a bit of an introvert/extrovert. When I was in school, I never liked public speaking, performing in a play, answering questions just in case I was wrong even when I knew I was right, etc. I was way too nervous. A little shy. Was there more to it than that? The early stages of my own anxiety? Probably.
I mentioned in the previous blog how much ‘J’ loved Kindergarten and that is 100% true. HOWever, once he started practicing for his Holiday Assembly, things started to shift. Especially when he went into the auditorium for rehearsals. The size of the stage, the bright lights, the echo, he was not feeling any of it. He didn’t want to sing the songs he had been singing all month long in and out of school. He didn’t want to be up on stage in front of everyone, he wanted nothing to do with it.
On the day of the performance, it was an extra hard drop off. His teacher was amazing and in the days leading up to it, she told him that he could stay with her until he was comfortable to go up on stage. Since this was December, 2019, we were able to go to the school to watch. There would also be a gingerbread house decorating activity after the performance for families.
The three of us walked into school to sign in for the show. I looked down the hall to ‘J’s” classroom, his teacher made eye contact with us and waived us down. I knew things weren’t good. We walked down to the end of the hallway to his classroom and saw him behind a desk, eating a graham cracker with puffy eyes. His friends were around him, checking in on him and telling him everything would be ok. He looked up to see us and ran right into my arms crying. All four of us went to the auditorium together and took our seats, right in front of the stage, behind his teacher.
His class walked in and took their spots on stage. We asked him if he wanted to go up with them and he said no. His teacher asked if he wanted to sit next to her and he said no. He stayed on my lap the whole time, watching his friends sing the songs he grew to love.
The thing about ‘J’ is, when he gets himself worked up to the point of not participating in something, he never feels like he’s missing out. He feels relieved, happy and content. He was happy to be watching his friends and cheered them on. Afterwards, we were all at one long table, building gingerbread houses together and all his anxiety was lifted. He returned to the happy boy he is, laughing with his friends.
Our heart breaks watching him struggle with new situations. His anxiety spikes, he wants to run away, he cries. As parents, we want the best for him and for him to be able to branch out and try new things. At the same time, he knows what he likes and what makes him comfortable. Sometimes he does need that nudge, like going into school. But other times, if something is overwhelming him to the point of tears, is it worth the push? We’ve seen the outcome of that and it’s typically not good.
Seeing your child on stage for the first time may be something you’ve thought about with excitement. And it may turn out exactly how you imagined. But there is that chance that it just may not go according to plan.
In Part 3, I’ll chat about taking the Bus.
School May Not Look Like You Imagined: Part 1
The First Day of School
During my blog hiatus, I thought about a lot of different posts I wanted to do and this was one of them.
‘J’ is coming up on finishing 1st grade.
<Excuse me while I go cry.>
When starting Kindergarten last year, ‘J’ was so nervous. While most kids were posing in front of the big “First Day of School” signs in front of the school, I was focused on just getting him out of the car and through the front doors. I asked if I could take a picture of him, but I already knew the answer – no. In the world of social media, I knew all these parents would have pictures of their kids with the signs, posting them everywhere, and showing off those “perfect” moments.
Did the fact that I wouldn’t be a part of that bother me? No. Because it doesn’t matter! Social Media is not real life. It shows real moments in the midst of life but at the end of the day it’s not what matters. I say this as someone that incorporates social media into her daily life, so I’m not judging others that do the same!
The thing that mattered most to me was making sure ‘J’ was ok and had the best 1st day possible. We arranged a walk through of the school the week prior. He got to meet his Vice Principal, see his classroom, check out the cafeteria, specials classrooms and got a feel of the school. We made a social story for him that we read in the days leading up to school. Anything that was going to help with this transition, we were all about. The Vice Principal and I had a chat about how he may need some help on the first day.
And he did. He was so nervous, even after seeing a friend. As soon as the doors open, he was crying and clinging to me. I made eye contact with the Vice Principal, she came right over, pulled him off of me and walked him into school. I turned around, held my breath and cried in my car.
The tears were a mix of things:
Relief – I did it! He’s at school, he’s going to love it, I just had to get him there. (Just as a note: my husband read him his social story and pep talked him along the way. But we decided for drop off, it would be best for just a 1:1 instead of all four of us.)
Mom Guilt – Oh my God, I just left my baby boy in a new school with strangers! Knowing this was silly and I’d laugh about it later, in the moment, it was hard letting go.
Nervous – Knowing he would be fine, but hoping I wasn’t going to get a call during the day that the tears hadn’t stopped.
As the year went on, some drop offs were better than others but none were perfect. He never walked into school excited. BUT he absolutely loved everything about school. His teacher, friends he made, what he was learning, his specials, all of it. He was so happy during the hours of 8:10 and 2:15. From 8:09-8:10, not so much.
If your child has sensory processing difficulties and anxiety or maybe they’re shy and want to approach school experiences differently, my best advice would be to follow their lead. Go with the flow. Don’t feel the pressure of other parents, your own family, social media or what someone may see as “normal.” If you get that perfect picture in front of their new school, great! If you got one at home (like we did), fantastic! If you get none, oh well! As long as they were happy, you got through the first day as a parent and they got through the first day as a kid, that’s all that matters.
In Part 2 I’ll chat about Holiday Assemblies.
Is Speech Therapy Still a Part of Our Lives?
Yes!
Once ‘J’ went to Kindergarten, we had to part ways with his Speech Therapist that he had been seeing since he was 2. I may have been the most distraught, buuuuut luckily she will always be family to us!
For the last two years, ‘J’ has been working with the school’s speech therapist who has been great. He’s been working hard on the sounds that still give him pause and has been progressing nicely along the way. After talking with his Speech Therapist, he will no longer be receiving an IEP for speech next year, but will be receiving speech through the school. Not too much of a change for him, just less paperwork on the back end. His mind tends to move faster than the words come out, so conversationally, it’ll be great for him to continue receiving services. We can all hear the difference speech therapy has made for him over the years.
As I mentioned in the last blog, I co-host the Magical Mommy Monday podcast. Remember that speech therapist that is now family? She was kind enough to come on and chat with us. I may have cried….just a tad…due to the impact she’s had on our life and the love she has for ‘J.’
Click here to listen to the episode and learn more about speech therapy.
2 Years and 2 Months
That’s how long it’s been since I’ve blogged. I’ve taken some breaks before, but this one takes the cake. Especially because 2020 was about 10 years long alone, right?
Some changes from the last 2 years:
- ‘J’ is now 6 and his sister is now 4
- Last year, ‘J’ ended his Kindergarten year on March 13th and since September has been 100% virtual through his school for 1st grade. His sister is doing homeschooling for nursery school.
- Just prior to the shutdown last year, we had an outside evaluation done to confirm (once again) that ‘J’ does have Sensory Processing difficulties and we were about to start working with an OT outside of his school.
- Through the ups and downs of the pandemic, my kids are resilient, thriving and learning new things everyday.
I’ll be getting into more details regarding some of these changes, along with many others. Just wanted to say hello and let you know that I’m back!
Just My MomSense 