Tag: parents

Back to School Haircuts

On By justmymomsenseIn schoolLeave a comment

The other day I took both of my kids to get haircuts. Who doesn’t need a fresh new cut for school, right?!

My 9 year old has never been thrilled with haircuts but he is able to sit through them now. He did seem to get himself stuck in a cycle of hair falling on his face > wiping his face with the cape > the cape was covered in hair > more hair would end up on his face and the cycle would continue. But, he made it through!

As we were leaving, a little boy was coming in looking terrified and crying. He didn’t want to sit in the chair and was holding onto his mom as tight as he could. In that moment, I looked at his mom and I saw myself.

When we got in the car, my son and daughter asked why he was so sad. I went over some possible reasons and asked my son if he could relate. He could. We talked about how he used to cry, scream and stiffen his body anytime we brought him in for a haircut.

My daughter didn’t seem to understand and we talked about how getting a haircut affected my son. I asked how loud the scissors were while getting her hair cut. She said a 0. I asked my son how loud the buzzer and scissors were and he said a 25. I’m not sure what their scales were, but clearly one was a lot different. He talked about how it feels like sharp tools on his head, it’s loud and it’s itchy.

This took us on a path of talking through different senses, how the brain processes things differently and how each of them react to different foods, textures, sights and sounds. This was a conversation I’ve had with my son before, but not as much with my daughter.

I’m proud of my son for being able to get through things that once were so difficult for him, even though they’re still not easy and for being able to recognize them better now than he ever has before.

As far as we’ve come, his very first haircut still seems like yesterday.

Why Is Christmas So Overwhelming?

On By justmymomsenseIn Uncategorized1 Comment

For the past few (or more) years, we have always known the Holidays are pretty overwhelming for ‘J.’ Typically the month leading up to Christmas (and his Birthday) prove to be a challenge. In years past, that has been expressed through tears, extreme frustration, attitude, being on edge, acting out of character, etc.

In November, we attended a lunch for my dad’s work. We were at our family’s favorite restaurant, which was a familiar place for ‘J.’ We sat at a table with my parents, my brother, sister-in-law and niece. Immediately, ‘J’ wanted out of the situation. There were moments he seemed settled and then once he was done eating, he just kept asking if we could leave.

Through some tears on the way home, we focused more on having a calm drive. When we got home, I sat with him 1:1 to talk through what he was feeling at the restaurant. The first thing he said was “Why is Christmas so overwhelming?”

It may sound weird, but I felt a bit of relief in that. And not that I want him to feel bad or be sad, but the fact that he was able to communicate that was HUGE to me. We talked through what felt like a lot to him, how it was different than other times we were in the restaurant and everything that happens in the month of December. I told him how great it was that he was able to communicate how he felt and that it’s important that he feels comfortable. I asked what we could do to make the holidays easier and what changes we could make. In the end, he was feeling better and ended the day on a high note.

Holidays are typically stressful for everyone. There are highs and lows, parties, gifts, seeing more family, etc. I think as adults, sometimes you feel like-eh, kids can get through it, they get gifts, what could be bad?

However for them, as they’re still figuring out the world, there’s a lot happening. Add in sensory difficulties and anxiety and the normal day to day struggle that ‘J’ goes through is now heightened. As adults, if we’re uncomfortable, we can remove ourselves from a situation, ask for help or change plans. That’s way tougher when you’re a kid.

This Holiday season, remember to listen to your child (or those around you). If they’re acting different, crying more, getting frustrated more easily, remember that there is always an underlying reason. They’re not trying to be bad or ruin the holidays. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, they are people with feelings and opinions that should be respected just like anyone else.

If you’re the parent of a child with anxiety and sensory processing difficulties, take things one day, one hour, one minute, at a time. Remember to remain calm and keep yourself regulated (easier said than done, especially in this season) in order to be a safe place for your child. The Holidays may not look like you imagined, but that’s ok. Make the magic however you can in a way your child would appreciate.

Wishing you all a magical Holiday Season!

The Way I Parent

On By justmymomsenseIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Fun fact: I didn’t have imaginary friends when I was little, but I did have imaginary children. I have wanted kids for as long as I can remember. Did I have them at the exact age I thought I would? Nope. Did I have as many as I sometimes thought I might? Nope. Life takes twists and turns and leads you to where you’re supposed to be. I’m lucky enough to have hit the jackpot with two awesome kids.

I don’t know that I ever envisioned too much about parenthood outside of – yup, definitely want that! I didn’t really know what kind of parent I wanted to be, couldn’t picture being the parent of school age kids and now that I am, I have a hard time imagining who I’ll be as the parent of high schoolers <cue anxiety>.

I used to love knowing what was going to happen and liked having a plan. I’m not sure when that lessened, but it definitely did over time. And I’m glad it did. For me, it was a more stressful way of living. I think the fact that I was able to let go of some of that, helped open me up to letting my kids show me the way when it comes to parenting.

That sounds weird, even as I type it, since I’m basically just thinking out loud in this blog and wasn’t sure how to phrase that. And don’t mistake what I’m saying, my kids do not run the show. But I do think that growing up in the 80s and 90s, our parents as a society were much different than (most) parents today. We didn’t have much of a choice in…anything, our parents definitely didn’t do as many activities with us, etc.

Please note: I have great parents and had a great childhood. But was it perfect? Of course not. Each generation just tries to move the needle and improve the one before.

Having a child that didn’t talk for two and a half years, with sensory processing difficulties helps tune you in to what they’re needing on a bigger level. I’ve realized how many people expect so much from kids in general. They should behave perfectly in every situation. They should be up to date on social cues, say things even if they don’t mean it, the list goes on and on. Kids are people, just smaller ones. They have thoughts and opinions, likes and dislikes, they have big feelings and should feel seen and heard. There are so many things that kids still have to do that they won’t like. For example, they’re not going to be excited about going to the doctor, the dentist, some days they may not be into school (hopefully they don’t hate it), homework, etc. But those things have to be done. If there is something either of my kids don’t have to do, don’t want to do or feel uncomfortable about, I’m not going to make them. I choose my battles and hear them out. Are there times they come from a place of no when I know they’d love to do a certain activity or go some place but they just may be fearing the unknown? Of course, and that’s where the balance to everything I’m saying comes in.

We all know our children best. We should always make sure they feel safe, feel seen, feel heard, feel respected and can express any opinion or emotion to us without fear of repercussion. They are still figuring out the world and hopefully will always be on that journey. We should be there to help guide them. I don’t know about you, but I’m still definitely on it. I’m not a perfect parent and never will be. I do try my best and some days are better than others. On the days I felt like I could’ve done better, I make sure to check in with myself, try not to spiral so that I can get up the next morning and try again.

Again, I’m not sure if I ever envisioned the type of parent I would be, but I think having a sensory kid definitely made me more aware of both of my kids as humans and working to keep their emotions, my emotions, our surroundings all in balance. If we’re not regulated, they’re not regulated.

I’ve learned more about myself in these last 8 years of parenting than any other time in my life. I look forward to learning more.

Sensory Items In My House That Just Make Sense

On By justmymomsenseIn Uncategorized2 Comments

Are you on TikTok? Do you spend too much scrolling through and watching videos throughout the day? Have you moved up to posting yet?

I have. I started pre-pandemic just scrolling randomly, trying to stay young and keep up with cool apps. And now I’m on it everyday!

But this blog isn’t about TikTok, just inspired by it. There’s a current trend to the song “Che La Luna” where people share things in their homes, their places of work, etc that just make sense. Yesterday, I decided to do one for Sensory Items.

In the video I included:

  • Noise Cancelling Headphones
  • Sensory Swing
  • Sensory Bin (with fidgets)
  • Sensory Diet Options Chart
  • Trampoline
  • Sensory Sand

Looking around my house today, I could’ve included more like a wiggle seat, beads, molding clay, etc. I’ve talked about various activites with sensory items in previous blogs, but putting them together in one place makes you realize just how much one can accumulate.

What sensory items do you have in your house that just make sense? Feel free to comment on this blog or find me on social media!

Twitter: @jenillo

Instagram: @justmymomsense or @jenillo

TikTok: @jenillotok

@jenillotok

#sensory #sensoryplay #sensorytoys #sensorybin #sensoryprocessingdisorder #parenting #parentsoftiktok #kids #kidsoftiktok #momlife #dadlife

♬ Che La Luna – Louis Prima

Curveball Week

On By justmymomsenseIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I’ve gone longer in between blog posts this week. But! I do have a couple coming up that I’m really excited about, so stay tuned!

It’s winter break for us which means no school and no services for J. It’s been weird to have a week off of everything. But then I had a curveball on Tuesday night. My dad went to the hospital.

Without going into too much detail, he’s been having some issues which resulted with him going to the ER. He’s still in the hospital having tests done and hopefully we can figure out the underlying issue.

Plenty of curveballs in life-some good, some bad. What else can we do but roll with the punches?