On this episode of Just My MomSense, Jen talks with Dr. Troy Roddy. Dr. Troy is an educator, author, and fellow Disney Podcaster. They talk about building a community within a school, as well as with parents in order to help children develop a lifelong love of learning.
Listen here:
Last Tuesday was the first day of school in my area. We had an awesome summer full of fun, family, travel and friends! That would be a tough one to transition from normally, but this year both of my kids were going into new schools. If you’ve read this blog before, then you can probably assume that this caused plenty of anticipatory anxiety in my house.
Last week, as we were navigating first-day jitters, endless forms, and figuring out new drop-off times, my husband and I reminded the kids (and ourselves):
You don’t have to do the whole school year today. You only have to do today.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the big picture:
But when we focus on everything all at once, it feels overwhelming before we even begin. That’s true for our kids, and it’s true for us as parents. We’ve been working on breaking it down into manageable pieces. Today we wake up, we eat breakfast, we get to school, we do our best. That’s it. Tomorrow we’ll do it again. One day at a time.
As I write this, the Sunday Scaries are creeping in. If you deal with that too (as an adult or child), know that you’re not alone. Keep taking everything one day at a time. Look for the small victories, the things to celebrate and the mishaps to learn from.
We don’t have to do all the days, we just have to do today.
If you’re a parent than you know that playing is one of the most important things children can do. There are so many benefits and it’s so beneficial to your child’s developement.
Once the school year begins and extracurricular activities ramp up, sometimes it’s hard to make time to just play. It’s easy to get caught up in the routine, the chores, going from one activity to the next, working and everything else parents have going on throughout their day.
It’s important to stop and play. Maybe not everyday, but as often as possible. We’re still at an age range where we can do playdates. We have friends we’ve made over the past couple of years that we can call to meet up with at a park, playground, library, bowling, or just hang at one of our houses. The kids are able to be in a comfortable place with some freedom and the ability to interact with each other. They’re able to learn from each other and work on communicating more effectively. The most important thing they’re able to do is have fun in a non-structured environment.
As parents, my husband and I also work to make sure we’re playing as a family. Sometimes we walk up to a nearby school and play Basketball, Box Ball, Wiffle Ball, help them across monkey bars, or just race each other across the field. I won’t tell you who normally wins those races…
Again, I know how much the daily grind can suck you in and you start to rely a little more on school for playing and socialization. However, doing those things outside of school is just as important. I try to be aware of it so that when I feel like it’s been a long week or a busy weekend where we were gogogo, I try to make sure we have that time to stop and play.
Added bonus: it’s just as beneficial to parents!
Want to learn more about the benefits of play? Check out some of these articles:
Why Playing Is So Effecting In Your Kids’ Developement
I am now a parent of a 1st and 4th grader.
Yesterday was their first day of school.
New outfits? Check!
New kicks? Check! (Kicks-as the kids say)
School supplies? Check!
Both kids are in separate schools but this is their second year in their respective schools. Sound confusing? Our schools are split up in an interesting way in my area. I like it, but I do wish they could be in the same school. This won’t happen until one is a senior in High School and the other is a freshman.
A big milestone: this was the first year that my now 4th grader went into school without tears! This was major! He had plenty of nerves and ton of adrenaline. Luckily he saw some friends on the walk to school and waiting in front of the school. He was able to walk in as part of a pack and waive goodbye over his shoulder.
My 1st grader went in tear-free as well. She didn’t cry in Pre-K but threw me a curveball in Kindergarten when she cried and didn’t want to get out of the car. We had a successful drop off this year.
As I’ve talked about in previous blogs, all kids, not just my own, tend to hold in a lot of different emotions throughout the school day. Once they get home, it can come out in a variety of ways. When I picked up my 4th grader today, I had to wait for him at a new door. He came out of the door from last year and ran to me crying. I think the cap popped off and now it was mixed with feeling like he did something wrong. His nerves got the best of him and he went to the exit he knew the best. Tomorrow his teacher will point out exactly where he needs to be which will alleviate some of those jitters. We walked home with on and off tears talking about his teacher, his class and how he had a good day. He also pointed out how he didn’t cry that morning, which made him happy.
Transitions are hard. They’re extra tough for someone with sensory processing difficulties and anxiety. The routine of school each week into the weekend can be tough. The routine of the school year into summer can be tough. The summer routine back into the school routine with a new class and new teacher can be straight up overwhelming.
I have no doubts that they’ll both have a good year. As we always do, we take it one day at a time and try our best to focus on the highlights while riding the emotional waves.
I felt like this was an appropriate title. Does anyone do this?
Leading up to the first day of school, which was today, I’ve been doing more than just getting the school supplies together.
I’ve been cleaning, organizing and making sure all the laundry was put away. Now some of you may be thinking “I do this everyday, so that doesn’t sound too different.” I think I know how quick the school year can turn chaotic and I want to kick it off with calmer vibes, so this is a bigger clean. But then I had the realization that this is similar to nesting I did prior to the kids being born.
And boom, we now have what is known as: Back to School Nesting.
The other day I took both of my kids to get haircuts. Who doesn’t need a fresh new cut for school, right?!
My 9 year old has never been thrilled with haircuts but he is able to sit through them now. He did seem to get himself stuck in a cycle of hair falling on his face > wiping his face with the cape > the cape was covered in hair > more hair would end up on his face and the cycle would continue. But, he made it through!
As we were leaving, a little boy was coming in looking terrified and crying. He didn’t want to sit in the chair and was holding onto his mom as tight as he could. In that moment, I looked at his mom and I saw myself.
When we got in the car, my son and daughter asked why he was so sad. I went over some possible reasons and asked my son if he could relate. He could. We talked about how he used to cry, scream and stiffen his body anytime we brought him in for a haircut.
My daughter didn’t seem to understand and we talked about how getting a haircut affected my son. I asked how loud the scissors were while getting her hair cut. She said a 0. I asked my son how loud the buzzer and scissors were and he said a 25. I’m not sure what their scales were, but clearly one was a lot different. He talked about how it feels like sharp tools on his head, it’s loud and it’s itchy.
This took us on a path of talking through different senses, how the brain processes things differently and how each of them react to different foods, textures, sights and sounds. This was a conversation I’ve had with my son before, but not as much with my daughter.
I’m proud of my son for being able to get through things that once were so difficult for him, even though they’re still not easy and for being able to recognize them better now than he ever has before.
As far as we’ve come, his very first haircut still seems like yesterday.
Back to school time is upon us and I wanted to share some school related blogs I’ve written along the way:
School May Not Look Like You Imagined Part 1
School May Not Look Like You Imagined Part 2
School May Not Look Like You Imagined Part 3
School May Not Look Like You Imagined Part 4
Be sure to check out A Few Of My Favorite Things for books, favorite authors, toys and more that can help with the transition back to school and all year round!
Let me know how you’re feeling about this time of year by leaving a comment or connecting on Instagram: @justmymomsense!
I remember reading awhile back that children often keep a cap on their emotions during a school day and by the time they get home, the cap pops off. They know they’re in a safe and caring environment. They’re in a familiar place. They can now just be themselves.
My son is now 9, my daughter is 6 and the cap comes off each day. Some days it’s for a few minutes and some days (I’m looking at you Wednesdays) it lasts until bedtime. Being at school is a lot of work. When you’re experiencing different anxieties or having trouble grounding your senses, it can be completely overwhelming.
In school, kids have to:
The list goes on. Now let’s throw in things like a child who is starting to get sick, maybe they have something going on at home, maybe they’re in the midst of a move or maybe they’re having a hard time making friends.
Now your child walks through the door at the end of the day carrying a suitcase full of mental, emotional and social experiences. It’s no wonder it pops open!
Consider this blog another reminder that kids are just small people trying to figure out life. Not so different from adults. Being a kid is hard and giving them the tools to help process all the ups and downs will help them as they get older and all of that stuff they’re carrying grows too.
The after school eruption can be tough, remember to regulate your own emotions from your day in order to help them regulate their day.
(Sometimes easier said than done but we’re all out here trying our best)
A Pandemic
In this series, I’ve talked a lot about J in Kindergarten. There was something else that happened that year which affected all of us: Covid.
In the days leading up to March 13th, we started hearing about some local schools closing as Covid cases were rising. We wondered if our school would follow along and second guessed even sending him in the meantime.
On Friday, March 13th, I picked J up from school. He was sent home with a packet of work and some login information for various websites as a “just in case.” At 5:00, we received a call that the school district would be closing for the following week. On Monday, the announcement came that they wouldn’t return until the end of March. As we all now know, in person learning was done for the year.
I’m thankful J had the teacher he did and that we are a part of an amazing school district. There were calls, emails and constant communication. Teachers sent out materials, websites, calendars with suggested activities and learning to get everyone through this time. In April, the staff got together and did a neighborhood parade where they drove through the district, honking the horns of their decorated cars and putting smiles on everyone’s faces. J was so excited to see his teacher again. It brought tears to my eyes.
In May, the staff from the High School drove around placing “Class of 2020” signs in front of the homes of the seniors. We have neighbors that were a part of this and I completely lost it watching the parents and kids hugging as the signs were placed. This was such a crazy time for all kids and senior year is supposed to be the best year. The class of 2020 had it cut short and turned upside down.
We spent the summer wondering what school would look like once Fall came. What decisions would the school make? What decisions would we have to make?
Ultimately the school decided to offer two options. The first was a hybrid model. You could send your child in twice a week (3 days every other week) and on the days they were home, they would learn remotely. The second was a fully virtual model, which is what we chose.
J works best when he’s in a routine and knows what to expect each day. We felt the back and forth of the hybrid model, coming off of a year of tough drop offs, would have had a negative impact. Although learning virtually would be new and have an adjustment period, at least it was consistent.
Prior to the holidays, J’s school returned to a full in person model, for those that were interested. If we had sent J back, he would have had to start with a new teacher, in a new class. This was also around the time that cases were once again rising. We decided to keep him virtual. As the year went on, the option to send him back remained open. There were kids from his class that went back and kids that had been in person, that joined his virtual class. The constant uncertainty among parents was clear. Everyone had to make decisions that worked best for their family.
We’re now weeks away from the last day of 1st grade (I can’t believe it)! J did amazing with virtual learning, probably too well. I have no words for all that his teacher did for a large class of remote learners. He had a schedule of google meets throughout the day, independent work and extra work if he was up to it. He is always up for extra work. Since Kindergarten, he has always created his own “extra homework.” He’s reading almost two grade levels ahead of where he is and has learned so much this year. There was an adjustment period in the beginning of not wanting to see himself on the screen during his google meets, not wanting to talk in front of everyone, etc. That went away quickly and he now loves to participate.
No one could have predicted the craziness of the 2020/2021 school year. I’m so thankful to teachers everywhere that went above and beyond for an experience no one was prepared for. Parents – you all made it through! The days were long and sometimes stressful, but we did it!
J’s school is Kindergarten through 2nd grade. His first year was cut short and now he’ll be returning in September for one year before moving on to a new school. It makes me sad that he didn’t get the normalcy and the amount of time he could have in a school we love.
Sometimes it’s not about sensory processing or anxiety, sometimes school doesn’t look like you imagined because of circumstances outside the home. The same can be said for parenting. We need to remember to expect the unexpected, go with the flow, do the best we can and take things one day at a time.
Taking the School Bus
Back in my day, there were walkers and bussers. Walkers were the kids who lived too close to the school and didn’t qualify for bus services. Bussers, well that one is obvious. I was a walker.
When registering ‘J’ for school, we had to sign forms for him to take the bus and were told we would receive a bus pass prior to school starting. I asked if I was able to drive him myself or if he was required to take the bus. The woman was taken aback by the question and said of course I could take him but that every child had the ability to take the bus.
I knew ‘J’ would never go for it.
We did try though. We talked to him about it and asked if he wanted to try. It was a big no. At the time, his sister was 2 and stated “I’m gonna take the bus when I go to school!”
We figured we would start the school year with me bringing him, and maybe once he saw friends taking the bus, he would want to as well. One day he finally agreed to take it home from school. This was huge!
I received a message from his teacher saying that he started to cry once he realized it was time to line up and walk out to the bus. She let me know his friends consoled him and all chanted his name. This made my heart melt. Once they got outside, the Principal and Vice Principal were also cheering him on. He went onto the bus in tears.
My biggest fear was that he’d try to run. When faced with fight or flight, he typically choose flight. We had prepped him leading up to it; we would meet him at the bus stop and he should not to get off the bus until he saw us. But we were still a bit nervous.
My husband, J’s sister and I all went to the corner to wait for him. We were talking to a neighbor when we heard honking, we look over and the bus had pulled up right in front of the house. We ran over and he walked off the bus in a pile of tears and sniffles. He did it! He rode the bus! Something he was so nervous about but he made it through.
He made it clear he never wanted to do it again.
The only other time he has taken the bus since that day was for his only field trip. They went to see a stage show of Frosty the Snowman. He sat next to his teacher and did great. I think being with his whole class, having the comfort of his teacher there and knowing I was picking him up once he returned to school helped to make that bus ride a whole lot easier.
Truth be told, having never taken a school bus myself (except for field trips), I was totally fine with the idea of picking him up and dropping him off. I just want him to always know the option is there for more independence. If he changes his mind one day and wants to ride the bus with his friends, we will support it. If not, that’s ok too.
In the final part of this series, I will discuss our experience with school closing due to Covid.
Just My MomSense 