Category: school

School May Not Look Like You Imagined: Part 2

On By justmymomsenseIn school1 Comment

Holiday Assemblies

I hate attention. I say this as someone who co-hosts two podcasts and does YouTube Lives. Guess you could say I’m a bit of an introvert/extrovert. When I was in school, I never liked public speaking, performing in a play, answering questions just in case I was wrong even when I knew I was right, etc. I was way too nervous. A little shy. Was there more to it than that? The early stages of my own anxiety? Probably.

I mentioned in the previous blog how much ‘J’ loved Kindergarten and that is 100% true. HOWever, once he started practicing for his Holiday Assembly, things started to shift. Especially when he went into the auditorium for rehearsals. The size of the stage, the bright lights, the echo, he was not feeling any of it. He didn’t want to sing the songs he had been singing all month long in and out of school. He didn’t want to be up on stage in front of everyone, he wanted nothing to do with it.

On the day of the performance, it was an extra hard drop off. His teacher was amazing and in the days leading up to it, she told him that he could stay with her until he was comfortable to go up on stage. Since this was December, 2019, we were able to go to the school to watch. There would also be a gingerbread house decorating activity after the performance for families.

The three of us walked into school to sign in for the show. I looked down the hall to ‘J’s” classroom, his teacher made eye contact with us and waived us down. I knew things weren’t good. We walked down to the end of the hallway to his classroom and saw him behind a desk, eating a graham cracker with puffy eyes. His friends were around him, checking in on him and telling him everything would be ok. He looked up to see us and ran right into my arms crying. All four of us went to the auditorium together and took our seats, right in front of the stage, behind his teacher.

His class walked in and took their spots on stage. We asked him if he wanted to go up with them and he said no. His teacher asked if he wanted to sit next to her and he said no. He stayed on my lap the whole time, watching his friends sing the songs he grew to love.

The thing about ‘J’ is, when he gets himself worked up to the point of not participating in something, he never feels like he’s missing out. He feels relieved, happy and content. He was happy to be watching his friends and cheered them on. Afterwards, we were all at one long table, building gingerbread houses together and all his anxiety was lifted. He returned to the happy boy he is, laughing with his friends.

Our heart breaks watching him struggle with new situations. His anxiety spikes, he wants to run away, he cries. As parents, we want the best for him and for him to be able to branch out and try new things. At the same time, he knows what he likes and what makes him comfortable. Sometimes he does need that nudge, like going into school. But other times, if something is overwhelming him to the point of tears, is it worth the push? We’ve seen the outcome of that and it’s typically not good.

Seeing your child on stage for the first time may be something you’ve thought about with excitement. And it may turn out exactly how you imagined. But there is that chance that it just may not go according to plan.

In Part 3, I’ll chat about taking the Bus.

School May Not Look Like You Imagined: Part 1

On By justmymomsenseIn school1 Comment

The First Day of School

During my blog hiatus, I thought about a lot of different posts I wanted to do and this was one of them.

‘J’ is coming up on finishing 1st grade.

<Excuse me while I go cry.>

When starting Kindergarten last year, ‘J’ was so nervous. While most kids were posing in front of the big “First Day of School” signs in front of the school, I was focused on just getting him out of the car and through the front doors. I asked if I could take a picture of him, but I already knew the answer – no. In the world of social media, I knew all these parents would have pictures of their kids with the signs, posting them everywhere, and showing off those “perfect” moments.

Did the fact that I wouldn’t be a part of that bother me? No. Because it doesn’t matter! Social Media is not real life. It shows real moments in the midst of life but at the end of the day it’s not what matters. I say this as someone that incorporates social media into her daily life, so I’m not judging others that do the same!

The thing that mattered most to me was making sure ‘J’ was ok and had the best 1st day possible. We arranged a walk through of the school the week prior. He got to meet his Vice Principal, see his classroom, check out the cafeteria, specials classrooms and got a feel of the school. We made a social story for him that we read in the days leading up to school. Anything that was going to help with this transition, we were all about. The Vice Principal and I had a chat about how he may need some help on the first day.

And he did. He was so nervous, even after seeing a friend. As soon as the doors open, he was crying and clinging to me. I made eye contact with the Vice Principal, she came right over, pulled him off of me and walked him into school. I turned around, held my breath and cried in my car.

The tears were a mix of things:

Relief – I did it! He’s at school, he’s going to love it, I just had to get him there. (Just as a note: my husband read him his social story and pep talked him along the way. But we decided for drop off, it would be best for just a 1:1 instead of all four of us.)

Mom Guilt – Oh my God, I just left my baby boy in a new school with strangers! Knowing this was silly and I’d laugh about it later, in the moment, it was hard letting go.

Nervous – Knowing he would be fine, but hoping I wasn’t going to get a call during the day that the tears hadn’t stopped.

As the year went on, some drop offs were better than others but none were perfect. He never walked into school excited. BUT he absolutely loved everything about school. His teacher, friends he made, what he was learning, his specials, all of it. He was so happy during the hours of 8:10 and 2:15. From 8:09-8:10, not so much.

If your child has sensory processing difficulties and anxiety or maybe they’re shy and want to approach school experiences differently, my best advice would be to follow their lead. Go with the flow. Don’t feel the pressure of other parents, your own family, social media or what someone may see as “normal.” If you get that perfect picture in front of their new school, great! If you got one at home (like we did), fantastic! If you get none, oh well! As long as they were happy, you got through the first day as a parent and they got through the first day as a kid, that’s all that matters.

In Part 2 I’ll chat about Holiday Assemblies.